Happiness is not only good for your health, according to a study in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences but apparently it’s good for business too.  In his Harvard Business Review article, Shawn Achor sites that happy doctors diagnose 19% faster and happy sales people increase sales by 37%.  He goes on to say, “Happiness is the single greatest competitive advantage in the modern economy.”Over the last 17 years, I’ve seen dramatic business turn-around’s occur in as little as a week.  The only change being an increase in a persons happiness.  The results I’ve witnessed have been dramatic.  My clients on Wall Street made better trades, CEO’s made more profitable decisions and sales people made more sales all with a shift in their mindset, which lead to greater well-being.  Having been trained that correct business systems trumped all human factors, the outcomes that occurred from “enhancing one’s mood” were shocking.As a result, in the late 90s I decided to focus my career on the pursuit of happiness and fully investigate its impact on the success process.  Over a ten year period I found that happiness was a skill that anyone could learn and that happiness was a hidden determinant in success.  Bottom line; when entrepreneurs learn the skills to be happy, they have unexplainable increases in their results.

4 Happiness Skills Anyone Can Learn

There are a set of specific, actionable skills & tools that will cause a person to be happy regardless of the circumstances they find themselves in.  The following is the short list that I suggest to all new clients.

1.  Give up being right.

Most people are addicted to being right and they don’t even know it.  This leads to endless amounts of argument and strife.  To be happy, you must let go of this ineffective habit of thought.
Try this:  Notice that The Drunk Monkey(my nickname for the chatter in your mind) has an opinion on everything including things it knows nothing about.  Opinions are vanities and are always from your perspective.  Your perspective my be right for you, but certainly not for everyone and everything.  And yet, when you pay attention to The Drunk Monkey you see that it actually believes that it is right about almost everything.The desire to be right often puts you into a resistant state which does not lead to happiness.  When you are in a resistant state of mind – trying to prove your opinion is right – you will not be as effective as when you are open to all possibilities.To give up being right, put yourself in the other persons shoes.  Look at the world from their perspective and acknowledge that there are multiple ways to view the situation.  In short, have compassion for others.

2.  Accept the situation as it is and then take action.  

A client of mine found himself in an unpleasant situation.  His company was merging with another company and he was informed that he would be losing his coveted office with the sun shining into the windows that he was accustomed to.  This may sound trivial.  For him, this was the end of a 10 year era and he was very attached to what the office represented in his life.  He had been angry for a week when we finally spoke.  The merger had not yet happened.  Yet, his anger was creating dysfunction in has ability to produce sales results today.  He was suddenly procrastinating on things that were important.  His sales were suffering.In a short period of time I helped him to realize that he was moving no matter how angry he got.  Ultimately he accepted this as the case and promised to stop complaining simply because it was not making him feel good.  Next I asked him a question I want you to ask yourself when faced with adversity, “What are you committed to?”  We shifted his focus to defining what he wanted to create out of the merger.  He described his best case scenario.  As he did, new options began to be illuminated, his mood changed and his energy went up.  Getting happy allowed him to get out of his resentment, see new possibilities and get creative.In the following weeks his sales results returned and he discovered a compromise that would work for his new working environment.  If you don’t accept the situation as it is, you become frustrated, and unhappy, which makes you feel stuck and you can’t move forward.  You literally get blinded to all your available options.

3.  Quit pretending you are a psychic who can tell the future.

Just the idea of a change to his office environment caused him to hallucinate about a future he didn’t like.  Problem is, he’s not psychic so he doesn’t know what the future will hold.  Yet he was suffering, right now, as if the negative future hadalready occurred.  This is a trick The Drunk Monkey plays on people to strip them of their happiness.The Drunk Monkey in your head is not your friend.  As a biological survival mechanism one of its functions is to predict potentially negative situations and then mobilize the body to avoid them.  Problem is, most of your life is not dangerous.  The salesman moving into a new office is not dangerous and yet, The Drunk Monkey invented futures that caused his body to be filled with chemicals that created great stress.  Nothing had happened and yet his life experience had been degraded by a figment of his imagination.Today just remind yourself that you are not psychic and that you can not predict the future.  Work to see the situation with exacting clarity by removing your fear and your opinions.  Next identify what you want to have happen.  Only then will new and interesting possibilities arise.

4.  Stop protecting yourself from people who aren’t attacking you.

A Wall Street executive was managing billions of dollars in assets and yet he felt like nobody listened to him and that he wasn’t important.  This perspective had him feel repressed and defeated.  His positive results didn’t seem to match his

Monkey's got your back

unhappy mindset.  He was making money for his firm and the firm was doing well as a whole.  With further investigation it turns out that he felt like other people in the firm didn’t think what he had to say was important and therefore he was an outsider and not involved in making critical decisions.  He realized that taking on more responsibility was important but felt powerless to do so.

I asked him how he knew this was true.  He told me about incidents that had occurred the year before.  I asked him to give me something that happened this week.  He couldn’t even think of something that had happened in the last six months.  The Drunk Monkey was at it again.

The Drunk Monkey creates generalizations.  Example; you walk over, pet a dog and it bites you.  The next time you see a dog, it shoots your body full of chemicals that put you on the alert.  Do all dogs bite?  No!  But the survival mechanism will steer you clear of anything today that might have seemed dangerous in the past.

This system is great for making sure kids don’t touch the hot stove more then once but it’s terrible for everyday life.  A couple incidents that occurred a year ago that made him feel angry and unappreciated.  Since then, he’s been protecting himself against a whole bunch of people who aren’t attacking him and frankly, don’t even remember what happened.

I asked him to consider that he had changed, they had changed, times had changed, and the world had changed since then.  I asked him if he would be willing to run an experiment to put The Drunk Monkey into place so he could return to happy, fulfilled and satisfied with work.  He agreed.  Here’s what I told him to do.

Instead of trying to keep his ideas safe, instead of wondering how he could move his objectives forward; for the next week, find out what other people were committed to.  See what the other people in the company were working on and discover ways to contribute to each of the people in the company.  Make it a game.  See if you can contribute something to someone everyday for the next seven days.  An idea, a contact, a resource or even just an encouraging word.

Through this process, he shifted from protecting himself from all the people who weren’t attacking him, to being supportive and giving.  Within the year he became one of the most celebrated people in his company.  Everyone wanted to get him involved in their projects.  He was suddenly important.  The next year he was recruited away by a superstar in his industry and made a partner in the firm.  This was a five year dream that came true in one.  The trick was simple, he needed to be the change he wanted to see in the world, just like Gandhi said.

When you are happy, you are creative, approachable, flexible and easy to be with.  Add those characteristics to your skill set and you will see an immediate positive benefit.

Most people believe that happiness is something that occurs when the conditions of life are favorable.  But the truth is, happiness is the skill navigating challenging situations without getting reactive.  If you wait for happiness to find you, you’ll be waiting a long time.  Happiness is an inside job.

85 Comments

  1. Glen DiAcri says:

    Excellent!!

  2. Chris Torres says:

    Good Stuff Matthew,

    Look forward to having a coffee with you one day BEFORE the end of the year in Newport.

    Go do something impactful,

    Chris

  3. Bill says:

    I agree with a most of this. As far as accepting the situation goes, what if you want to do enjoyable work & have abundance, but don’t know see any clear actions to take? Do we take any job or business opportunity that comes?

  4. yasmin jiwa says:

    I have subscribed to the Seven Steps to Happiness and Success and look forward to the lessons everyday.

    That is the only way to go: BE HAPPY

    I love to read your blogs. They have brought a completely new perspective in life for me. Thanks

  5. Young Jacob says:

    Love ur#3
    I’m good at pretending I’m a psychic.

  6. Carol says:

    Matthew,
    As a sales trainer who talks about sales skills everyday, I found this blog entry refreshing and worthwhile. Thanks so much!

  7. Melinda Stanton says:

    Matt,
    As always…excellent information….working hard everyday to bring everything you teach into my life.
    Thank you
    Melinda

  8. Cynthia Stamboulian says:

    Very impactful Matthew…pretty much sums up everything you’ve talked about. You need to print a t-shirt ‘Get Happy’

    Thanks man,

    Cynthia S.

  9. Carl says:

    I agree that happiness is a skill worth developing. One of the best quotes on the subject is from Abraham Lincoln: “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” I’ve learned that happiness is really then a choice. Most people react to the circumstances that happen to them and let their circumstances affect their mood or attitude. But, when you make a choice to be happy, no matter what the circumstance (good or bad), then you can always be happy, you can always have a good attitude. Someone once said “I can’t control what happens to me, but I can control how I react to what happens to me.” I find that the more you know and understand and apply the Law of Attraction (or the Law of the Harvest) or whatever you want to call it, you do see that more good things happen the more you control your attitude and make a choice to just be happy, always.

  10. Cheery Malone says:

    Interesting, I call my chatter “Monkey Brain”
    thoughts swinging from one place to another with no apparent place to go.
    Thanks for sharing,

  11. Fran Horton says:

    My grandmother always told me. Two wrongs don’t make a right. I try to live by that. If someone has done you wrong it may be really hard to not want to get revenge. But, don’t. Many times when someone is stabbing you in the back, they are looking at it as getting ahead. Really! On your way to the top, of whatever it is you want on top of, you may just step on a few egos yourself. I was once told that it is lonely at the top. I’ve heard people talk, mostly bad, about the top producers in my company. Don’t let them get you down. Smile, give them a good tip on how you’ve made a success out of your sales or whatever. But, don’t be surprised if they are sneering behind your back. They will take that tip, and they will appreciate it and they will never admit that they got it from you. That’s okay, because you know you have helped that unhappy person. Spread the info and always put forgiveness on your shoulder not a chip. It will take you far.

  12. Lucy S says:

    In my business, I have found that happiness is the most precious skill. The Drunk Monkey wants to tell me I should be better at communicating, time management, etc.; heck…not even “better” but the best…this is a never win cycle. And though I should always strive to be better…if I paid attention to what draws me to clients and vice versa…it is the intangible, the positivity…happiness…that is the prominent attraction. Thanks for the perspective that is more practical than most would think.

  13. Douglas Jennings says:

    Matthew
    You have helped me see and accept the worst case scenario
    and focus on what I can do to change and make the best of the situation.. Mis guided perceptions and limiting beliefs get in our way … thank you..

  14. Wall Street Executive says:

    I am both honored and flattered to see that my experience was used as an example on Matthew’s blog. I am living proof that the process works; it starts with believing, and then making subtle calculated changes in your behavior and mindset. The little changes are like gravity; in the short run, it feels like a very weak force, but over time, it becomes incredibly powerful. I am the happiest and the most energized that I have ever been, and I am even more excited about where I am headed in the weeks and years ahead. I have Matthew to thank, for opening my eyes to true possibility, and simultaneously, opening my mind to the same.

    Thank you.

    Your Student,

    The Wall Street Executive

  15. Gill says:

    Its really interesting Matthew, it’s been a great way of putting things into proportion.

    Gill

    p.s. don’t think a coffee will happen since I’m in Scotland :-)

  16. Moira says:

    Maybe if I had some of these great insights into my unhappiness at work I may not have fried so badly. The Drunk Monkey sure did a number on me. It’s taken over a year to get my strength and confidence back, and ultimately my happiness.

    Thanks Moira

  17. Tina Tepper says:

    I am in the process of reading “The Art of Happiness” how appropriate. Just read a few lines, that somes it up.
    “Happiness is a state of mind” and “the highest happiness is when one reaches the stage of Liberation, at which there is no more suffering. True happiness relates more to the mind and heart” he goes on to say how you can train your mind through discipline and trained thoughts.

  18. Emily says:

    You are right on target and I’ve found all of what you said to be true…now getting the rest of the world on the same page – now that would be a miracle, especially when almost everybody wants to be right!

    My question to those folks is “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”

    Carry on Maestro!

  19. Tina Tepper says:

    From “The Art of Happiness” The highest happiness is when one reaches the stage of Liberation, atwhich there is no more suffering.” You can train your mind to control and have peace and positive thoughts.

  20. Christina O'Rourke says:

    I liked it very much – so so true. Christina

  21. mona says:

    how do we stop protecting ourselves from people ?

    1. Matthew says:

      Mona, to stop protecting yourself from other people you must realize that people are just doing the best they can. Often we mistake a person’s typical family behavior for agressive behavior and defend ourselves. For example a person who comes from a family that speaks very slowly often feels bullied or threatened by someone who speaks really fast. The faster speaker has no harmful intent, they were just raised in a family that speaks fast. Yet, The Drunk Monkey protects you regardless. Your goal is to question every time you get fearful, “Is this real? Are they really trying to do something harmful or am I reacting to something?”

  22. Lori Hanson says:

    Wow Matthew, it is like you were addressing this blog to me. I will take these tips to heart and put them to work in my situation. I wish I would have had this back in March. I will print this out and keep it beside me at all times.

    Thanks so much,

    Lori

  23. kelly weimer says:

    Matthew, I love your energy and informative articles, thank you!
    Kelly

  24. Lori Hanson says:

    Wow Matthew, are you sure you didn’t write this just for me? I sure could have used this back in March, glad I have it now. This will help me where I am stuck with letting go of my old business partner and the anger and hurt feelings I have. I am going to print this out and keep it beside me to reference daily.

    Thanks so much for this,

    Lori

  25. Morag says:

    Hi Matthew,
    I get so excited listening to your talks and reading your things because you have discovered ‘laws’ of life and you present them in such a vibrant way, we can all relate.
    I read a lot of stuff like this (from the Bible actually!)—–Says axactly the same but you bring it alive in a non religious way.
    Way to go!
    Morag

  26. Kim Romaner says:

    Spot on, Matthew! We sure do paint ourselves into mental corners, don’t we? Sometimes you have to let go of what you think you know. I trry to help my clients identify the stories they’re telling themselves about the world, what other people “must” or “might be” thinking about them, and about their own dreams and capabilities. Getting clear about what you want to have happen is powerful, too. I like to say that a well-crafted vision has gravity: it will draw the circumstances, people and opportunities into your experience that can help you make it come true. They’re always there, but where you choose to aim your focus will determine whether you see them or not.

  27. Jill says:

    Wow! Thanks for pointing these out! I’m ready to give up listening to the drunk monkey and BE HAPPY!!!! :)

  28. Allen Antuzzi says:

    People don’t yet realize that Happiness is a skill, I didn’t either until I met you and learned step by step strategies to transform my mindset. Now everyone say’s, “Allen you are happy all the time!” And I say, “Yes…it’s the best choice I made today!” Thanks Matthew!

    Allen Antuzzi

  29. Curtis says:

    Spot on my friend.

    We can Choose to be happy and then make it a practice by developing these skills. Can it be that simple? YES! Is it always easy? No. It takes Practice.

    If we really want to take it up a notch we can start reaching out in kindness to others and offering our self and our gifts to make a difference in the lives of others. That’s when the juice really gets flowing. ;-).

    Thank you for being a great example Matthew.

  30. Dave Moore says:

    Hi Matthew,

    To start I will tell you something you already know. I do this so you will know that I know. You are doing a great job. Your work is amazing and as there are no real limits to what we can attain those that follow your suggestions will discover they have no limits to achieving their fondest desire. Good on you and thank you for your dedication to yourself and all of those you help. Your work has already benefited me personally.

    To comment on your blog, once again you have it absolutely correct, “Happiness IS a Skill Worth Developing.” This is because happiness is the epitome of what we can achieve here in this life. It’s kinda why we were created. That’s a deeper subject that we can talk about later.

    Though some may scoff at the concept of having a life purpose, why would we be created without a purpose? That would be illogical and if the Source of our creation is anything it is logical. In keeping with that logical mindset how much more simple can being fulfilled be than to simply make yourself happy? You’ve hit the bull’s eye, “Make yourself happy and everything else will flow.”

    Maybe my response will not appear on your website anywhere and that’s good with me. If it does automatically, please feel free to remove it for any reason. Why I say that is because I would like to share with you concepts from my book which addresses achieving happiness.

    Your Drunk Monkey is a survival mechanism and a thoughtless reaction to people, events, and the world around us. Any existential determent that arises from the Drunk Monkey can be spoke to separately. I do believe there is there is such a threat. (Witness world events.) But it isn’t anything we can’t handle. In my lexicon the Drunk Monkey is the Sinker mentality.

    Those who practice considerate behavior, are positive-action oriented, live in the moment, and do not respond to fictitious threats are influenced by the Thinker mentality.

    The solution to this dichotomy is, “The Power To Love.” Choosing from the only three choices we have in any situation is the exercise I’ve devised. The choices are, “I love it,” “I hate it,” and “whatever.” This breaks down into embracing a situation, judging a situation, and being truly neutral. Just so you know there is no reason to judge or choose hate and in fact when we do we diminish ourselves. As we condition ourselves to forego judging we point ourselves toward becoming even more happy.

    My mission, and it seems your mission is similar, is to get people to think about how they think. This is because in every individual there is a gift that was created to contribute happiness and inspiration to this world. I refocus those I am speaking with by saying, “Tell me what you love.” If we build something those things that are counter-productive will lose support.

    We are influenced yet we can influence. If we thoughtfully consider how we influence and we realize our innate gift and purpose we will succeed in reducing resistance and stress in our personal lives and in the lives of those around us. As this wave spreads out we can uplift humanity. Lofty, but why not? I believe we can do this. It’s not only pageant contestants who want world peace. Having peace in one’s life is a great start.

    The mechanics found in your blog illustrate the positive reactions we can each employ when we are confronted with the unexpected and unknown. Keep up the great work. My guess is you are fulfilling a Divine purpose. Thank you for your work.

    It would be my pleasure to send you an electronic version of my book. It is titled, “Thinkers and Sinkers, Why Are They Trying To Kill You?” (ISBN 9780615450407). The killing in the subtitle is more a spiritual death which we experience when we feel hopelessness, anger, resentment, and other such self-defeating emotions. We are truly amazing and defusing the Sinker mentality is another skill worth developing.

    All the best to you,
    Dave Moore
    http://www.ThinkersAndSinkers.com

  31. Great observation and title. Most people think happiness is a fortunate accident, not a learned skill. These are some great tips how to train yourself to exude happiness. Keep it up matthew!

  32. Beverly says:

    Matthew I love this post – I am a strong believer in the word “choose” – my children always sigh, when I use it, but they have learnt its value. We always say our life is blessed, but that is because we choose to make it so.

    Happiness is a choice – it is something that you can have in every situation – you just have to choose.

    We always say – you are too long dead and only have one life to live, so choose to live it with happiness, joy and love and it will be wonderful.

    Thank you for your great messages.

  33. Ruth Bosckis says:

    Matthew I really agree with you on this blog topic. I used to really struggle with depression. Refusing to medicate for it, I looked for self help topics instead. Nothing really worked until I started using your suggestions. When I practice, my internal happiness grows. It infects every area of my life positively including those closest to me. It almost becomes exponential. My depression only comes to me now when I don’t practice for weeks at a time. So much better than medication.

    1. Matthew says:

      Ruth, you melt my heart with those comments! My greatest hope is that we all live in a world filled with happiness and peace. Many actually do need medication but many don’t as well. For those that don’t, I believe there are simple solutions. Thanks for the encouraging words.

  34. Alan says:

    You teach nothing that anybody already knows but you help us to remember what we have chosen to forget or ignore. I am remebering so much more on how to live in the present moment and enjoy it and I hope you and everyone else does too. A true bodhisattva, Matthew!

  35. Margaret says:

    Hi Mattew , this is very interested material,i must start today to apply as much as possible , yet i always fall back into my old habbits , as hurtful as there are . The truth is, i really want help and need to change. Thank you, Margaret

  36. Paul Klein says:

    Great insights, Matthew.

    More of us would do well to take these ideas to heart and see how we can reach out and branch out to achieve our dreams more easily.

    I find a mastermind group or a few accountability partners can help move ideas forward more quickly and keep that Drunk Monkey out of sight!

    Keep up your great content.
    Paul

  37. E. Taylor says:

    Matthew!

    The Universe has an amazing sense of humor! I read your content in amazement, laughing to myself asking the question, “How is it that Matthew was in on my QH session last night!?”

    These are the exact messages I received and the concepts around which my healing was focused. So I received your message with a combined reaction of “OUCH”,and “Bring it on baby!”

    Thank you for choosing your journey and continuing to share your light! You are doing amazing work, critical our lives right now!

    E. Taylor

  38. Mario Villagran says:

    Good stuff. Don’t forget it’s a choice so choose to be happy.

  39. Neil says:

    This is a great blogpost Matt. Thank you! Lessons learned here carry over!

  40. Deva says:

    Matthew, you always have been a tremendous blessing in my life! You are a gift to this world which keeps on giving…Your messages are on the spot and very powerful.
    Inspired and empowered, my soul is dancing with gratitude…

  41. Nicole says:

    This is good stuff Matthew. It makes you think about it when a situation such as this ever comes up.Thanks for sharing.

  42. Rich says:

    Thanks Matthew for kick starting a new me over the last few weeks, your emails and tasks have really helped me get out of the funk I was in: going over and over issues in my life. I think the best advice for happiness for my situation was to Accept what was going on, it was happening, Accept it. Accepting it releases you from the burden and it allows you to deal with it positively and constructively, that alone made me feel much happier. I couldn’t agree more with what you’ve written above. Many thanks and keep on inspiring!

  43. josh conzemius says:

    Your guidance is fantastic—let’s get started on this thinking big group. Erica and I were listening late last night to a speech you gave in 2004 at SS Retreat. The feeling good talk. We talked about it at lunch. We are stuffing as much good vibes into the mental fuel tank and it’s working like a charm!!
    Thanks again for the amazing accountability group! These people make my life work more smoothly and…who would have known… they happen to be really, really cool, too! Thanks!

  44. Hugo says:

    After reading the info on this posting, I want to tell you I felt inspired to actually get out there an do Something.
    Thanks
    Matt. !

  45. I just experienced something very unpleasant that in earlier times, i would have exploded and shown my Medusa impression – however, i put in practice my learning’s from you, i was able to be more sensitive to the person who hurt me. Its was a relief in a way. And although i was very scared, I didn’t have expectations of what the outcome would be and i didn’t cry (which is what i always would end up doing when i am hurt, am sad or very angry). i truly believe this a life changing experience for me! Thanks Matthew =0)

    1. Matthew says:

      Margie, I’m super excited for you!! Keep studying these thoughts and feel more and more empowered. I’m rooting for you :-)

  46. scott k says:

    Matthew, thanks for the posting…I can especially relate to need to give up being right all the time and to stop protecting myself from people who are not really attacking me. I am glad to see in an above post that you are aware that some people do indeed need medication. I have bipolar disorder…there are many people who don’t even believe the illness is real, let alone understand how serious it is…talk about putting me in a challenging situation where it is extremely difficult for me to let go of my need to be right, especially when it is such a deeply personal subject. A bit off topic perhaps, but not really, as I am just saying that I have really been benefiting from your work lately. I have been doing the 10/10 visualization for the past two weeks…great stuff. I am doing daily gratitude lists in my journal. I now find myself just being spontaneously grateful for things and people as I go about my day. I am slowly going through the 15 Bullet Proof strategies. Writing the Prophecy letter was incredibly enjoyable…I thought it was going to be a chore…I ended up writing 3 pages in no time flat. One of my 10/10 goals was to hike 50 miles a week. I hiked 30 the first week after writing it! I call my Drunk Monkey the “Meth Monkey” because that is how it feels in a bipolar mind. I have really been finding peace in the past few weeks, though, and look forward to the progress I make in the coming year. Thanks again.

  47. Happiness is most Attractive goal of life,but the problem is that the more we seek it the less we find it,If a true guidance is available,chances are to find it someday.So we may try this method also.swami shukla

  48. Stephanie Johnson says:

    Matthew- Thank You for who you are being. I am in my third week of inspired action weekly and my world is shaking up and the changes are catapulting me into a whole new reality. If someone only gets part of what you are saying here on the blog their lives will change forever. There is no turning back, once you know you know.
    Thank you again I totally support who you are being in this virtual reality.

  49. marlene says:

    I always thought that the conditions of life that surround me would make me happy, or that I shouldn’t get too excited about a situation because what if it doesn’t happen. Happiness is a choice and you need to believe in it. We all have the power to make our own happines. I work at it everyday and make sure I don’t get side tracked by my “drunk monkey”. Thank you for showing me the way.

  50. Excellent article Matthew. Practical advice and clear examples.

  51. Edd Voss says:

    Matthew, great blog. I have known many of these things for years but they have gotten packed away in a trunk gathering dust in an unused corner of my mind. They must have been working behind the scenes as the two books I have published went together without much trouble. Now if I could just quiet my monkey down long enough to figure out how to market them.

  52. Rakhshan Fatima says:

    This is really helpful.I like the ‘stop being a psychic’ part the most.Infact one of my friends often says this to me ‘Rakhshan !you either live in your past or virtually live in your future.Thats the reason you are unhappy.’Also the drunk monkey idea of you is awesome.I am working at it.It is working very well for me.Thanks

  53. Nishindra Verma says:

    I did believe earlier too, that being happy is the ultimate goal in life but you have shown me the co relation in our professional environment. Someone had asked me if there is a choice whether you would go after success or hapiness. I chose hapiness and I believe I am successful.

  54. David Kennedy says:

    HI Matthew,

    I love this blog. The observation that really resonates with me is “Stop protecting yourself from people who arnt attacking you.” That’s me, well was me, still is sometimes. Your insights have helped me though a difficult emotional time I thought I might never see the end of. My wife is now listening to your work now and even a friend of ours is relating to the “drunk monkey”.
    Thanks for giving me hope.
    All the way fro Australia.

    David.

  55. Faseeha says:

    Cool post!
    Loved it! The drunk monkey was holding me back for a while! It told me that a comment was completely unnecessary as so many people have commented already! But I shot it back and commented with a faint hope that you would notice it Matthew!
    Thanks for a wonderful post!
    I hope my drunk monk stays dead for a while till I get my stuff done! lol!

    1. Matthew says:

      I noticed your post and I’m very happy that you put The Drunk Monkey in it’s place!! Keep reading, listening and learning about The Drunk Monkey to keep it at bay.

  56. shabana says:

    Great, thank you for sharing. I highly needed this conversation to move forward ;)

  57. Cindy Greco says:

    There is no way to happiness……Happiness is the way! Love this article.

  58. Arvind says:

    Dear Mathew Ferry I read your blog on happiness. I liked it. You have discussed how to earn happiness in life. I also feel that happiness is the state of mind. And it also depends upon how you take the situation and tackel it.If one decide to achive something in his life and he fails,one should try to remain satisfied, then and then one can remain happy in that situation.And whatever you earn more or less in life one must give thanks to ‘HIM’ so one cannot remain unhappy.
    Arvind.

  59. Lisa says:

    Great article! Straight to the point. I like your writing!

  60. indu sethi says:

    iam extremely greatful to you for all that knowledge

  61. Joan Sarver says:

    I didn’t have time to read all the comments, but I have always tried to remember the Abraham Lincoln quote that Carl referred to. I always thought Success would bring happiness. It is an entirely new mindset for me to realize and accept that Happiness brings Success.

  62. Evan says:

    Great as usual!

  63. Coral Sandoval-Eldred says:

    Hey there Matthew, thank you for that question….Happiness is a beautiful goal that incorporates all aspects of my life.

    One of my affirmations is “This year is a revelation of who I have been created to be; being stretched & molded to be more like Jesus-There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent, hinder or control the firm resolve of MY Determined Soul.”

    I have changed, grown, and have a greater vision of who the old man is (the drunk monkey) and who I truly can be. That is EXCITING! So I keep moving forward even though there are days where is muddle through, I continue to strive. “No failure, just feedback.” Boy…I am learning.

    Thank you to you an all those that have gone before you to help us develop from mediocre to GREAT!

  64. Thank you Matthew, for being a voice for happiness. Intellectually we may understand that happiness is not external but internal, but the practice is very much that…a practice.

    Thanks for keeping us on task, in the pursuit of the embodiment of happiness, immaterial to the “stuff” around us.

  65. Indu Sethi says:

    Very thankful for the useful post, I am learning a lot.

  66. Ken Johnson says:

    I love how you are doing your life, Mathew. Since I have known you (remember that breaking the speed of light talk you thrilled us with)you have always been on the same track. The thought just came to me to ask, “What’s next Mathew?” Then I got the answer: Your “next” is always your now. You never stop growing. Gotta love it. It’s a great Blog. Thanks for being great. Ken

  67. Carol says:

    I shared your thoughts with my agents on my morning warm up yesterday. Fantastic response. The agents were so appreciative. It really hit home for many of us. Thanks so much!

  68. Gina says:

    Don’t worry be happy, says it all. It’s is easy to be happy when you are in love and love can move mountains.

    The 4 points are interesting and most importantly, they are not only the ingredients for Happiness, they are essential for growth, freedom, gratitude.

    Thank you for sharing that with me

  69. EK says:

    Success is a series of well managed failures. Thanks Matthew as always for the uplifting concepts and help along the way to reaching my goals.

  70. Samuela says:

    Thank you so much for the wonderful material you are constantly supplying us with!

    I really need to read your words daily so I can keep the feeling of etreme happiness und being able to conquert the world daily – no matter what happens!

    Reading your words alone create miracles and miracles in my every day life. It’s like standing next to myself and watching what is happening. And that feels really good!

    You are the best thing that ever happened to me!!!

  71. Priya Satalkar says:

    Hi Matthew,
    Thank you so much for these insights.. I identify all the attributes of drunk monkey in my own behavior and life choices. Now I know how I can manage the drunk monkey. I am afraid to pick up the phone call and talk to people that I do not know. I feel, I already know what they are going to say. That keeps me silent and I just do not act. But now I am slowly changing my behavior, taking small steps at a time. What resonated with me the most in this blog post is that I am not a psychic. I feel that I know what would happen to me but that has no real basis. I do not know what future holds and hence I should just be open to whatever happens.. without worrying about good and bad outcomes or right or wrong actions..

    Thank you…

  72. Billy says:

    This is a great, tell it like it is post! Have you read Supercoach? He mentions trying to go 1 week without complaining…and it took him a year! Proof we all need to work on not listening to the negative voice in our hear. Happiness is an art we all need to cultivate, no matter who or where we are.

  73. Hugo says:

    Thanks Matthew,very insiteful as usall, mind reading is hard one to let go.

  74. Vivekm says:

    Excellent thoughts.. Could u please tell me how to overcome the thoughts of lonelyness.. ?

    1. Matthew says:

      Vivekm, please search “The Drunk Monkey” on my blog and you will get a ton of great ideas to overcome negative feelings like loneliness.

  75. Susan Morrow says:

    Great! I need these ideas to keep cycling around, I take them on the road in my life and practice. I keep learning that is is really funny to see myself acting out the automatic behaviors it is really obvious when I start talking to someone and I am Generalizing or protecting myself or predicting the future. I sound so silly now. I am so happy to have this new prespective to live and share with the people in my life.
    You are on my graditude list Matthew!

  76. Matthew Ferry is right. Being happy is the best thing we can do for ourselves and everyone else. And he shows us how to do it!
    Great article Mattew.
    Shelle

  77. Bennett says:

    This is a great post. I like the part about accepting the situation. It’s so easy for us to be in denial about our situation. Only when we accept the situation can we find true happiness. Check out my post, Do You Deserve To Be Happy, on my blog, Think Happy Thoughts. You all might like it!

    http://bennettrainey.com/wordpress/?p=565

  78. Lavinia says:

    Pin my tail and call me a donkey, that raelly helped.

  79. steve werner says:

    Great post as evidenced by the amount of comments.

    Finding Happiness is not necessarily that tough, it’s holding on to it that is the challenge.

    thanks

    SW

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