“What you accept will transform. There is a hidden positive in every negative.”
As a life coach, it is my job to help people move from negative states to positive states. Now, life is not necessarily negative at all; it’s just our opinion that makes life negative. To change your life for the positive now, one of the first things that you must take into account, is that you have created opinions about how life shouldn’t be this way, and that opinion then creates a negative state for you.
You feel frustrated, you feel annoyed, you feel agitated, upset, angry. These are all negative states that occur when your opinion is contradicted.
To change your life for the positive right now, you must begin to take responsibility for the opinion that you have created about life and how life shouldn’t be the way that it is, that it should be some other way.
Now, let’s be honest. Life should not be some other way. Life is the way it is. People are the way they are, and then you resist them. Your resistance makes you upset, angry, and then rather than taking responsibility for that your opinion has been contradicted, you instead blame the other person.
When you blame the other person, you create even more negativity in your life. On top of that, you make a fatal mistake, and that mistake is that you declare that life or people, or something outside of you makes you feel negative or upset.
This is not the truth. It is an illusion, and really, it’s a manipulation. You’re the one who chooses to feel bad. You’re the one who chooses to feel upset. To take responsibility for it will change your life for the positive right now.
Successful people realize that success does not bring happiness. Happiness is the next journey for most successful people. Early on, most top performers equate that success will fill the void within them and show the world that they are valuable. Sorry to say, it doesn’t happen. Happiness takes a different set of skills, disciplines, systems and procedures.
Here are the first three steps to getting on the path of true happiness:
Step One: You must see the mind, which I call The Drunk Monkey, for what it really is. The Drunk Monkey, all that talking in your head, is just biology. It’s energy moving through fields of neurons in your brain. It’s job is the same as all the other cells in your body… Keep you alive longer!
Here’s the big problem; you are not in a dangerous situation. If you are reading this article, you are seeking happiness. People seeking happiness are not trying to survive. Yet, I would be willing to bet, you feel emotions like frustration, anger, doubt and fear pretty frequently. Those emotions are chemicals used by the brain to move you away from danger. Hello! Your life is not dangerous and yet, you let The Drunk Monkey trick you into thinking that it is. Awareness is a skill that must be developed if happiness is your goal.
Step Two: With awareness comes flexibility. Being flexible means you start to use some discernment. You no longer take The Drunk Monkey’s statements about reality as truth. You start to see that the talking in your head is just one particular point of view. As soon as you see that the thoughts in your head are not “the truth,” you become more flexible. When you are more flexible, you are less reactive. To be less reactive gives you more choices. More choices represent more power over the situation. In other words, awareness makes you flexible, which makes new options available and those options give you power. Empowerment is one of the ten forms of happiness.
Step Three: Practice accepting things as they are. This is a discipline. It’s the exact opposite of your normal mental functioning. When you pay attention to The Drunk Monkey, you see that it has an opinion on everything; including things it knows nothing about. The Drunk Monkey says, “He shouldn’t be that way!” or “This is not right!” To create true happiness, you must recognize that these are just opinions. Even more important, is to realize that opinions are the source of your suffering. Life is just “life-ing” along and your opinion about it won’t change it. To accept the situation as it is, gives you the emotional well being you need to focus on what really matters to you. To allow The Drunk Monkey to ramble endlessly about how things should be different, is a waste of time and energy. Ultimately it degrades your experience of life.
There are ten forms of happiness and each will lead you to a life of ridiculous bliss. Start practicing the three steps today and you will notice an immediate difference.
As an Inspired Action life coach, my job is to help my clients successfully transition from the life that they currently have to the life they want. This means confronting and conquering the fear of change. Think about it like this. Even though your goals and dreams are exciting to think and talk about, your dreams are usually much less exciting to implement. Dreams are new. New is hard. New is different. New means potential failure.
The Drunk Monkey, which is my little nickname for the mind, is designed to keep you away from new. Part of your programming as an animal is to stay close to the pack, stay close to what is familiar, and stay away from what is new and unknown. Anything that is new represents the potential for danger, as far as the animal part of your brain is concerned. So you naturally are going to have an aversion to your own goals and dreams.
Isn’t that crazy? Your mind, the Drunk Monkey, is not a goal-achievement mechanism, as many personal development gurus have explained in the past.
After coaching more than 8,000 people to achieve happiness and success, I can tell you with certainty that your mind is not a goal-achievement mechanism. Your mind’s job is to simply steer you toward propagating the species so you can have more babies, as well as to steer you away from danger and keep you safe.
Remember, your house is nothing more than a safety mechanism. Your car is created for safety. Clothes, shoes: safety. Your friendship groups and social circles are nothing more than safety. You wanting to be successful is nothing more than adding layers of safety. Financial freedom, just adding layers of safety. None of these things ultimately leads to fulfillment and satisfaction.
So you will find yourself naturally drawn to familiar comfort-style goals, such as a bigger house, a better car, more friends, and more money. And yet, there is only so much you need to maintain your status quo. More money, a bigger house, a fancy car, indefinite travel all represents the unknown, which The Drunk Monkey naturally avoids.
To overcome this fear of achieving your goals, I practice and teach the empowerment process. The first step is awareness. When you see that there is this Drunk Monkey in your head that is steering you away from the fulfillment of your dreams, you can take back your power.
Awareness leads to flexibility. When you see that your mind is not your friend and that it doesn’t do what you want, you can begin to choose a new behavior. This new-found flexibility leads you to new options. The options that appear were not available before you became flexible. Before you because flexible you only had one option, which was to do what The Drunk Monkey wanted. Options give you power. Options give you the power of choice. Once you see that your fear is just a biological mechanism that was developed to keep you safe from dangerous situations, you realize that your goals aren’t dangerous and your fear vanishes. This is the key to change.
“Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” you ask, ‘How am I causing this?’”
As an inspired Action Life Coach, my job is to support my clients in living a life of happiness, joy, peace, and most importantly, bliss. The dictionary defines bliss as, supreme happiness. Most people don’t have an experience with bliss. Most people don’t know what bliss even is.
1. It is that state of loving life so deeply, so turned on, so much about life, that you can hardly stand it. You are nearly brought to tears of joy by how amazing your experience of life is in that moment.
2. This is what happens when you follow the inspired action life coaching process. There are three phases that I recommend you go through to get to this place of extreme bliss:
A. Phase One is the Breakthrough Phase. In this phase your job is to explore what did you conclude about your life that is not true early on, that is now holding you hostage, and having you experience your life in ways that cause frustration, anger, suffering, pain, etc. In other words, what did you fundamentally misperceive about yourself, others, and situations, that now make life feel like it is not enough, and you are not there yet?
aa. By discovering this and seeing it for what it really is, a mistake, a misperception, you are able to let it go and create a new context for your life. That new context is really what Phase Two is all about.
B. Phase Two is the Life Creation Phase. In the Life Creation Phase, you must begin to examine how your life is designed out of guilt and obligation. You start to see that your life is really nothing more than trying to prove to everyone that you are good enough, that you fit in, that you are smart and intelligent, that you are not ugly, that you are a part of the group. As you begin to see these pursuits for what they really are, nothing more than trying to prove a childhood misperception doesn’t exist, and you let them go, in favor of doing the things that make you feel good and feel happy now, you start to have a realization as to what your life is actually about. You begin to recognize what your purpose is, where you are going, and why you are going there.
bb. You begin to enter into inspired action. You find yourself in action doing the things that you love doing, no longer doing the things that come from guilt and obligation, and trying to prove to the world that you are something or somebody, which leads you to Phase Three in the inspired action coaching process.
C. In Phase Three you now have to set your life up so that it can begin to relate to you as this new person. Disciplines, structures, systems, procedures, processes, new promises, new accountabilities. All of these things must be put into place so that your life recognizes the new you, and asks that the new you show up rather than the old you. This is why when you go to a seminar or read a book and learn something new, that new thing that you have learned doesn’t stand much of a chance of actually existing in your life, because your life actually responds to you from the old paradigm of who you were before you read that book, or who you were before you went to that seminar.
D. The Third Phase of the inspired action coaching process is absolutely one of the most important phases because it cements your purpose into your life so that you can do nothing else than be your purpose in your life. What a blessing to have a life that calls you every morning to be the person that you want to be. That right there leads to incredible bliss. You literally are moved to tears on a daily basis, blown away that your life is so perfectly fit for what it is that you want to do, what you want to experience, and who you want to be.
The Drunk Monkey screams at you all the time. It is NOT in the business of going for it, taking action, getting excited and living the dream!
This is the part of your mind that criticizes you all day long. I call it the Drunk Monkey. It doesn’t care about creating pleasant experiences. It could care less if you feel good. It could care less about achieving your goals.
Today you will commit to taking an action you believe will get you the results you want, The Drunk Monkey will go to work inventing a fantasy about how it will all happen.
The Universe/God/Source Energy/Life Force will conspire upon your behalf, stuff will start to happen, results will start to be produced…BUT…what if the universe delivers to you in a way that looks different than what The Drunk Monkey prophesied?
EMERGENCY! The Drunk Monkey gets scared because its expectations were broken. When your expectations are broken, you’ve entered the unknown. The Drunk Monkey hates the unknown and believes that it is a survival situation. It will either attack or run away. Either response will shoot you in the foot and stop you from achieving the results you want.
The Drunk Monkey wants to survive. It doesn’t “get” thriving. It doesn’t understand happiness. It just gets survival. But you know the problem. You are definitely going to die, someday.
Take action on your intentions today. Give up being right about you, your limitations, the situation, the timing and people. Engage the mystery of life. You really have no idea what is going to happen next, just take the next action and enjoy the result positive or negative…both are just opinions. Trust that you are on the right path, if you are reading this, then by the very nature of your intention, it is true, you are on the right path…whether you are producing results or not.
Take action in spite of the uncomfortable feelings you might have. Just make it an experiment, not important, just see if you can take the action without feeling anything. Just for today, tell The Drunk Monkey to take a hike. Be interested in how things might show up and then be open to however things show up.