How do you pick a life coach? I think that the main thing you need to do is decide what exactly you want to get out of the life coach process. For example, my specialty in the process is happiness and peace, and then utilizing that to be an action. But that’s not everybody’s specialty. I have a friend’s whose specialty is post divorce. I have other people whose specialty is career advancement. So, it just depends on what it is that you’re trying to accomplish.

When you’re getting ready to choose someone as your life coach, I highly recommend that you spend some time talking to them and discovering what they have actually done. What have they achieved or accomplished in the realm that you are trying to improve upon?

So, for example, I have spent my life, a hundred percent focused on how to get happy. I don’t want to wait until I achieve to be happy. I don’t want to wait for my kids to grow up before I’m happy. I don’t want to wait to get thin before I’m happy with my body. I don’t want to wait until my spouse gets out of the funk that she’s in before I’m happy. I don’t want to wait. I want to be happy now. I’ve spent my life discovering what it takes to be happy. How do I do that and simultaneously be incredibly successful at the same time?

So, that’s my specialty, being happy and successful at the exact same time. So, when you’re looking for a life coach you want to ask a lot of questions. Ask him/her, “how do you do what you do?” Ask him/her what kind of credentials he/she has, what’s his/her background and what makes him/her an expert? Ask him/her all about the process.

You know, one of the things that I think gets in the way of people having a great life coaching experience – and believe me, I’ve had some bad ones – is that the coach doesn’t actually follow a particular system. Following a system produces a result. If you look at any business – and life coaching is just a business – any business that is successful is a business that’s following a particular system. And then they’re doing that system over and over because the system predictably creates the results that people are paying for.

Life coaching is the same thing. Make sure that the life coach you pick is following a system. You want to make sure there is evidence that it works. You want to talk to other people that have done it and make sure that you actually can get the results that you want. You know, there’s a lot of new people who are in the life coaching industry that are just getting into it, and they are people generally who get in it because they have felt an incredible desire and get a kick out of helping people. And they have the thought, “Well, you know, I want to make this my business, my life.”

I understand. I did the same thing. And I would recommend that you go with someone who’s been doing it for a long time. I’ve been coaching people since 1993. I’ve coached more than 8,000 people. So, you want to find someone who has credentials. Right now, I’m coaching 120 people. I’ve got a great depth of experience. I know exactly what it’s going to take to get you unstuck and into a state of happiness.

When you’re talking to the people out there in the world, because I might not be the right coach for you, make sure you really dig in and get them to explain why they are good for you. Good luck to you.

So many times my clients say to me, “Well, Matthew, you know, this is just a means to an end. I’m doing this business. I’m doing this project because where it’s going to get me is where I want to go.” You know what I say to that? Means to an end equals suffering. It means suffering today. And you don’t have to do that. You don’t have to get involved in a project or do an activity today because hopefully, someday, it will turn out better so that you can be happy.

I would not recommend operating that way at all. In fact, my goal is that you are inspired and in action. Inspired. What is that? Filled with the spirit to do something. Lit up. Energized. Engaged. How do you do that? Well, you either have to accept that the situation that you’re in – the project that you’ve said, “I’ll do,” or the job that you’ve said, “I’ll do,” is the perfect thing for you now. You either have to work to accept that, or you need to give it up and go and do the thing that will truly make you happy.

Now, either one is an option. But here’s the deal. Don’t wait until someday to be happy. Get happy now. Take on the energy of happiness, and joy, and peace, and excitement, and enthusiasm now and apply that I want you to take that happiness, that peace, that joy, that energy, that excitement, that enthusiasm, and I want you to apply it to what you are involved in now, today. And watch how much better your life gets. Don’t put off happiness. It doesn’t work. It never comes.

When you set goals, when you write out intentions or dream, what that does is that it immediately creates contrast. So, think about it like this; you set the goal to be kind. In that moment, instantaneously, all the things in your life that piss you off come up. All the places in which you have to examine how you are not kind and how you relate to the world in an unkind, judging, mean, nasty way. All that stuff comes up.

So, I want you to know that when you set goals, immediately what comes up is the contrast. And the contrast then just further amplifies your desire. Not only does it further amplify your desire, it also gets you really clear about what you need to do, what actions you need to take. The moment I set a goal, for example to generate another ten clients, I immediately become aware of how I’m not set up to do that. And it gives me an opportunity to choose new actions, new behaviors, new thoughts, new ways, to produce the results that I want.

Your goals and your dreams provide the contrast necessary for clarity and they also amplify your desire.

Hello friends. Tonight I am offering a free webinar, and it’s going to be life changing! It takes more than action to achieve happiness and success today. It takes the right mindset.

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If you take action without inspiration your result is gonna be okay. But if you take action from a place of being totally inspired – the results are unbelievable. You could get two times, three times, four times the results from being inspired. So, how do you get into a place of inspiration? Well, you’ve got to first see the future that you’re committed to. So, you’ve got to get connected to that goal or dream and what it will mean to you. That’s one thing.

Another thing to get inspired is to go into a state of gratitude, to get grateful about everything that you are thinking about now, everything that your life is. I use a technique called the ten-ten visualization process. So, I’ll make a list of ten things I’m grateful for, and then I’ll make a list of ten goals and dreams, and then at night, before I go to sleep, I’ll visualize both lists.

So, I’ll get emotionally connected to everything that I’m grateful for and then emotionally connected to all my goals and dreams. And then, what happens is I wake up inspired. And when I wake up inspired and I take action, it’s magic. Miracles happen. Try it.

You don’t know darkness unless you know light. And you don’t know light unless you know darkness. The darkness is a mandatory part of the process. If you have a goal to achieve more success, more money, greater projects, greater prosperity, you’ve got to go through those times of incredible doubt, despair, freaking out, worry, concern – those things just come up. And what they do is they cause you to consider what is next. They cause you to consider what might be missing. So, you have to have those dark moments. I just want you take this thought into your body: Success ultimately is nothing more than a series of well-managed breakdowns.

Meaning, a person who is successful is just someone who can manage the darkness, the destruction, and the chaos better than other people. Because, when you’re going after your dreams, when you’re going for your goals, you’re going to find yourself in chaos, in destruction, in doubt and fear. All of that stuff is just going to simply come up. It’s part of the process. Roll with it.

When you’re attached, things don’t really work very well. People say, “Well, you need to detach.” Right? Well, what does that mean exactly? It means that you come to grips with the outcomes of your goals and dreams being okay if they fail or if they succeed, or anywhere in between. You detach. I have a client, for example, who is in the middle of building an enormous division inside of a very big bank. And he had a key meeting today. And in this meeting, if the person said, “Yes,” then all of his dreams – everything that he’s been working on, comes into fruition in one meeting.

So, you can imagine that, initially, he was like, “Oh my god, is it going to work and what am I going to do?” And all that – and the drunk monkey in his head. What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? What if? Now, what I had to do was help him to come to grips that his project may not go the way he wants and that his dream may collapse right there. And I had to get him to a place where he could deal with that and accept it, that if it didn’t go he’d be okay.

The moment he got there, he could detach, he could allow the meeting to occur naturally without any manipulation, without any force, without any trying to make people do stuff. And then he could be open to receive exactly what he wanted. Detach. Allow. And receive.

Manifesting is not available when you’re mad at yourself, just so you know. When you are beating yourself up, when the drunk monkey in your head is saying, “you know, life sucks and I’m so stupid. And why am I doing this? What’s wrong with me?” When you’re in that place, you are emanating that which you don’t want.

When you are in a grumpy place about yourself, you’re not charismatic. You’re not attractive. You don’t say the right things. You’re not effective. You are not operating at your highest level. And all of that is going to stop what you want coming into your life. If you’re going to get into an attractive, powerful, charismatic state, you’ve got to do the inner work. You’ve got to do the inner work. You’ve got to start to clean up what is going on in your head. And if you don’t, I promise you, you will never attract the things that you want.

How do you get in an optimal state? Well, consider that optimal is optimism. Optimism puts you in an optimal state. How do you get optimistic? Well, you have to acknowledge that what you have now is actually pretty darn good. You have to begin to get present to the fact that your life rocks, that you’ve got amazing stuff going on, that you have opportunities that other people don’t have. I mean, the very fact that you’re reading this on a computer means that you have a computer. That already puts you in like, the top five percent of all humans on earth. You get that? You have an amazing life.

But, I guarantee you, the drunk monkey in your head doesn’t say you have an amazing life. It says, “Well, you’ll have an amazing life once you do this, and once you do that, and once you have this, and once you have that”. Have you ever noticed that no matter how much you accomplish you wake up the next morning and the drunk monkey has pinned a new list of demands on you forehead of things that you have to accomplish now in order to be good? You want to get in an optimal state? Practice gratitude daily. Just be grateful and as you are being grateful it will make you optimistic. And as you are being optimistic, you’ll be optimal.

When you are outcome-oriented in your communication, you’re going to have a more difficult time communicating versus when you are connection-oriented. When your goal is to connect with a person, understand them and their world, to know who they are, see what they’re up to, you’re going to find that things just go effortlessly. It’s smooth. It’s easy. But when you’re selfishly oriented, trying to make what you want happen – trying to produce and outcome in your communication, you’re just going to find that things are difficult and hard.

I recommend that you spend your time working on being concerned, trying to understand, seeking to appreciate. And what you’ll find is: Communication is a breeze there.