The world won’t let you change, but not because the world is bad, or wrong, or evil, or against you. The world won’t let you change because you have convinced the world that you are the person that you are today. So when you try to change, you actually break rapport with your own environment.

When you try to make changes, the people around you experience broken expectations. They’re thrown off. They feel uncomfortable. They feel uneasy because they’re used to you being a certain way. The world won’t let you change because you convinced the world you are what you are today.

The next step for you is to get clear about who you are and what you’re all about now, and then convince the world of that. And when you do, everything will change.

If you are stressed, then consider you are hallucinating.  That’s right, hallucinating… seeing visions… you are disconnected from reality.  Most stress (not all) is just The Drunk Monkey resisting a future that isn’t necessarily coming.  The Drunk Monkey thinks that it is a fortune teller.

The Drunk Monkey believes it is psychic and can predict the future.  But it can’t.  So stress is feeling the failure, let down, or disaster before it even happens.  Start calling bull sh** on The Drunk Monkey today.  Begin to say, “Thank you Monkey for protecting me from that future.  But truthfully we don’t even know if that’s what will happen.  Here’s what I want to have happen…”

Solution To Stress

Start to predict futures that you want and compare the future to your new visions.  What you will find is that your life becomes what you think about.  So if you let The Drunk Monkey spend time protecting you from futures that aren’t coming, those futures come.  If you grab hold of your mind and envision what you want, those futures come.  You get to choose.  You are the creator of your experience and not the victim of your circumstances.

A series of events occurred with a powerful entrepreneurial woman that produced miracles.

Here is a quote my mentor Dr. David Hawkins from his book Eye of the I:

“(Miracles) are an eventuality that are brought into actuality by the removal of the impediments of negativity.”

In other words, miracles are trying to happen and you are blocking them.  The key is to remove the impediments of negativity.  Negativity is the resistance you have to how life actually is.  Negativity impedes (stops the flow of) miracles.  If you stop resisting life, people etc, then miracles will happen naturally.

Back to my client:  We have a call today.  She breaks down into tears and says, “Everything is stuck.  I have all these deals around me that aren’t coming together!”  With further investigation we discover that she is afraid that she is a failure and that if she fails no one will love her.  I asked her, “Who is the one person you know will be most disappointed by your failure?”  She said it was her mom.  I asked her to call her mom as soon as we hung up and just be honest about where she is in her life.  “Tell her how scared you are.  Admit that you are struggling to keep it all together.  Let her know that you are afraid that you are going to disappoint her with your failure and that she may not love you any more!”  I told her.

Hearing me say all of this back she started laughing, “This is crazy” she blurted out!  “I know my mom will love me no matter what I do.”  My comment was pointed, “The Drunk Monkey is dillusional!”  So she hangs up and calls her mom.  Here are the two emails I get from her within two hours.

Email One:

“thank you – spent 30 minutes on the phone with mom and was  blown away by how much she loves me.  She even offered to have me come live with her. crazy, eh? I feel heavy and light, serious and silly, and well, excited.  Something just massively shifted. – thank you”

Two hours later – Email Two:

“In the last 60 minutes:  I learned the big client I’ve been chasing called while you and I were on the phone!  Just left him a message (free and light and totally unattached).
My mom called BACK and shared a story about when my Aunt had to get back on her feet… and that if I need to live with her, I am welcome.  I just got money in the mail! I just got word that I have enough equity in my insurance policies to pay premium through October!  I received a request to complete a brand new audit for a small business lender!  … and well, I am smiling ear to ear!”

4 Hours Later – Conversation we had

She is raving with excitement and tells me “Holy Cow!  I’m on fire!  I spoke with a Realtor client about doing some future joint ventures (I do the branding and marketing and he does the sales).  He was very excited about the possibilities but told me, to not get too excited because he didn’t have any work for me.  I told him that if we put our attention on it, miracles would happen.  Two hours later he forwards me an email from a builder who suddenly has two projects we could potentially work on!!  Hello!!”

When you remove the impediments of negativity, miracles abound!  What do you need to stop resisting today?

“Why bother?”
“I don’t even know why I try.”
“It’s not gonna work out anyways.”
“I mean, I’ve done it in the past and it just doesn’t work.”
“I mean, it’s just not my style.”
“I just can’t do it.”

Those are thoughts of resignation. Resignation will destroy your dreams. It will destroy your life. Resignation is not the truth. When you are resigned and cynical about things, you cannot move forward with your life. You are basically taking the past and you’re inserting it into the future and you’re saying that the future will be like the past. And that, my friend, is a hallucination.

The future will not be like the past. The future will be whatever you choose, whatever you decide. You make new decisions and new choices. You take a stab at new dreams, and that is what will come true.

When you accept things, you’re able to transform them. You’re able to turn them into something. When you resist things, you cause them to persist. Resisting and pushing against something actually pulls it towards you. When you accept it, as it’s coming, you need to align with it, and then you can redirect it and move it any way that you want it to go.

So, if something in my life is bothering me, the most powerful thing for me to do is to accept it and then as soon as I accept it or align with it, I can redirect it.

I’m coaching two Realtors.  One does 100 transactions a year with ease and the other does 30 a year with hard work and stress.

Forceful Action Makes Life Hard

The agent who does 30 deals a year works 7 days a week, 15 hours a day.  When I ask her why, she says, “Matthew, I have to push so hard to get anything to happen!”  Basically she is telling me that she has to force and manipulate people and situations to get things to happen.  So I ask her, “Why do you have to push so hard?” Her answer is telling. “Because I’m afraid that the deals won’t close unless I do everything in my power to make them go!”

Her perspective is that the future won’t work itself out and she won’t be okay.  Therefore she must push, force, and make it happen.  She is constantly using the energy of fear to drive her behavior.  She is bombarding her body with adrenaline which has a very destructive effect.  She’s tired, grumpy, has a short fuse and frequently feels hopeless.  These feelings perpetuate the vicious cycle and she doubles her resolve to MAKE THESE DEALS HAPPEN!!!

Inspired Action Makes Life Easy

Now let’s talk about the agent doing 100 deals.  She works a normal five days a week.  Takes an extended weekend holiday every month.  She takes a week off every other month.  When I ask her why it is so easy for her, she shrugs her shoulders and says, “It all works itself out in the end.  There’s no need for me to stress it.”

Her language shows us that she feels certain that the future will be positive.  When something starts to go wrong for this agent, she simply surrenders and lets it go.  She has trained herself to know that it will all work itself out.

This perspective is very attractive and allows her to give her clients the room they need to complete the transaction the way that feels most comfortable.  In other words, her confidence that it will all turn out fine makes her more flexible.  Flexibility gives her more options which empowers her in the situations she finds herself in.

When you are empowered you think more effectively, you are more creative and you are more resourceful.  You are Inspired and In Action!

Coaching Exercise

If you have to force something to happen, then you are probably resisting or feeling afraid that it won’t turn out.  When you predict that it won’t turn out, you attempt differently.  For some people this is effective and causes them to be more precise.  I’ve noticed that for most people the added pressure and fear cause dysfunction.

If you find yourself forcing something to happen, then stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?”  Just that question will clear your head and reveal the truth.  And the truth is, most situations are not life or death.

“I have a problem with…”

“I can’t…”

“I’ve never been good at…”

These kinds of statements are your prison. They are not true statements. They are habitual statements.

When you say, “I have a problem with people who communicate brashly,”  that is not the truth.  You don’t have a problem.  You choose to resist.  But your language externalizes the problem as if there is some aspect of yourself that you cannot control and is actually in control of you.  The truth is, you have gotten in the habit of resisting people like this.  Your language is your prison.

When you say “I can’t seem to get to the gym consistently!”  You can already see that it is not a true statement.  You make the decision to do something other than go to the gym.  There is no phantom inside of you controlling your behavior.  You have full control and until you admit it, your prison door is locked.

When you say, “I’ve never been good at keeping things clean!”  You are not the victim of some powerful force inside of you that is controlling you and making your environment disorganized.  You have habitually chosen to do something other then organize.

Awareness and truth begin to set you free.  Start telling the truth about the prison you have created today.

“I am in the habit of resisting people who communicate differently then I do.”

“The gym has been less important to me then sleeping in.”

“Keeping my environment clean is not important to me.”

Write in the comments and tell me some of the language you are going to change today.

If your energy is low, then your future is probably not that exciting.  If your energy is high, then your future is likely something you are excited about.  When I work with Life Coaching clients I’m always checking into their energy level to discover if new goals are necessary.  One of my clients works at a very big bank.  He has conquered the big challenges in his department.  The department is profitable but his energy is low.  I asked him, “What are you looking forward to?” His answer was telling, “Nothing.”

We immediately went to work on new goals.  By the end of the session, he was excited again.  How about you?  Are you excited about the future that is coming?  Today create a new set of goals that lights you up.

Have you been trying to change, only to be pulled back to your old ways?  Consider this idea: The world won’t let you change.  Not because the world is evil and you are a victim.  Because you have set the world up to fit with your current set of behaviors and beliefs.  Everything you have said to others about how your life is, why your life is this way and who is to blame keeps you trapped.  The systems in your life are designed to keep your current life  intact.

Every promise you make is a part of the system of living you have designed.  Every commitment you make holds the old you in place.   Every declaration about what you like and don’t like keeps the old you stuck.

In order to create profound change in your life, you must convince the world that the new you is here.  Which means you have to take radical responsibility for all the choices, decisions, and actions you have taken in the past that are keeping you stuck.  You did this to yourself.  You can undo it.

Michelle writes:
Matthew, you know how you always say “When you let go of what it has to be, you get the essence, even if you don’t get it. And one way of doing that is to set an intention and add “or something better” to the end?

Well, I decided that about the gallery in the OC where my art is was not working. The guy was shady, people weren’t receptive to my art, they felt it was too sexy, and it was costing me a lot of money, with no return. I decided to quit, even though I didn’t have another place to go. But I held the intention that I will have galleries with owners who love my work, with clientele who also love my work. At my final gallery show – I stopped and talked to an older gentleman, just because he looked like he needed someone to talk to. Turns out his daughter has a new lingerie store, where my art fits perfectly (I do paintings of women in lingerie). She loves my work, her clients love my work. I ‘m getting MUCH better publicity and I get window placement of my art – on the SAME street as my old gallery. I still get to participate in the monthly San Clement Art walks, and can have art events in her shop. Plus it isn’t costing me anything on a monthly basis.

I am so pleased! Once I let go of “having to be in a gallery” and just focused at wanting my art in the best possible place – the “or something better” really is better.

Thank you for sharing that with us. It has been very helpful. And every time I get a little stuck – I start doing my intentions and delegations again – and it has led to some fabulous results.

-Michelle