istock_000000294109mediumWhat are you waiting for?  What is your someday?

Someday when my kids grow up, then I will…

Someday when I own my own business, then I will…

Someday when I have a million dollars, then I will…

Someday when I lose weight, then I will…

And until that someday arrives?  What?  You will have a “just okay” kinda life?

I say blow off someday and start living the life of your dreams now.  The life of your dreams is not a destination or a circumstance.  The life of your dreams is the feeling you think the circumstance will bring you.  You can absolutely have that feeling now with or without the circumstances.

Your feelings and your circumstances are not related.  Knowing how to see The Drunk Monkey for what it really is, that’s the key.

Businessman shouting at his mobile phoneNothing should be.  That’s just The Drunk Monkey making your life miserable.  Have you ever noticed that The Drunk Monkey can create hypothetical situations to argue any point… including things you know nothing about?  Pay attention to how The Drunk Monkey tells you that “Life should not be the way that it is!”  As if The Drunk Monkey is the all knowing, all seeing omnipotent being in the universe.  You are not a psychic.  You can’t tell the future.  You don’t know how things are supposed to be.

CAN YOU BE WITH HOW LIFE ACTUALLY IS?

Nervous WreckIt’s hard to be happy when you forget that your life is temporary, transient and basically meaningless.  Profound happiness can not be achieved by speculating about the future or contemplating the past.  Yet The Drunk Monkey spends endless time on the past and future.

Your life you will go up, down, all around and then you die.  When you die the people in your life will throw dirt on your face and have a party.  In 100 years, it’s likely your life will be completely forgotten and irrelevant.

“Seriousness is a disease of the ego.”

That’s what my mentor, Stewart Wilde, told me in my 20’s.  I didn’t understand what he meant until my late 30’s.  I was so rapped up in succeeding, getting ahead and showing the world that I am valuable.  Sometimes it worked, other times it didn’t.  My emotions were yanked from positive to negative based on the external events.  My experience of life was messed up by my expectations.

Today I see my clients making their lives miserable by judging and comparing this moment to the elusive “Should Be”.  By focusing on what should have been or what might be they make themselves miserable.  It took me a long time to realize that breakdowns lead to breakthroughs and therefore worrying about it is irrelevant.  To worry, stress and freak out messes with the point of this life.  The Now.  That is where the profound sense of happiness and fulfillment lies.

No matter how much you try, you will die.  Life is not serious or important.  To believe that this life is important leads to all sorts of negative experiences.  Rest assured, life will contradict your opinion and if you think it should be other then it is… you will be unhappy.  Life is doing what ever it is doing regardless of your opinion.  Let it go and enjoy today, okay?

As an Inspired Action life coach, I’m constantly working with my big players to get into this moment.  In the moment there is nothing to fear.  There is no negativity in the present moment.  So they always ask, “How do you get into the present moment?”  The practice is one of letting go and focusing.

1. Let go of the future.

The future is not real.  There is no future coming.  The Drunk Monkey obsesses over the future because that’s its job.  In order to keep you safe and alive longer it tries to anticipate what is coming.  No peace, no love, no fulfillment lives in the future.  When The Drunk Monkey is obsessing over it.  Just thank the monkey for trying to keep you safe and go to step three.

2. Let go of the past.

The past does not exist.  The past is just your opinion.  Every time you see life from a new perspective The Drunk Monkey rewrites your past.  Contrary to The Drunk Monkey’s opinion, the past is unreliable and not useful.  When you notice the monkey obsessing over the past, thank the monkey for worrying and go to step three.

3. Appreciate everything about now.

Focus on the beauty all around you.  Notice how interesting people are.  Appreciate the smallest details.  Marvel at how things work.  Take deep breaths and smell the strange, interesting and pleasant smells around you.  Judge nothing.  Just observe with a childish wonder.  Try it today and notice what happens.

Happiness and peace only reside in this moment.

As a life coach, part of my job is to help you make promises that will create the life of your dreams.  The problem is, most people don’t know how to make and keep promises.  Most people make a promise, don’t keep it and then come up with a good excuse as to why it didn’t happen.  They believe as long as there is a good excuse it’s almost like they kept it.

Most of my clients are very very successful people in life.  The problem super successful people have is the fact that they can convince people to not hold them accountable.

When you don’t fess up to your broken promises, you begin to degrade your credibility.  This thwarts future opportunities.  My job as a coach is to help you get real.  So what promises have you made and broken and then not owned up?  Make a list today and then use the five step process to get it cleaned up and restore your credibility.  The more people who trust you and believe in you, the more opportunities come your way.

istock_000007055389medium

I’m sitting here on a plane ride back from Seattle where I spent the day thinking about who I am and why I was born, facilitated by my wonderful friends at www.designduoinc.com and www.brillianceenterprises.com.

I just finished the movie Lost In Translation and I was awe struck by the artistry and tasteful story telling.

Today I was groovin’ to tunes by James Morrison, Kiss, Rascal Flats and even a couple of my own tunes by Vertigo Deluxe. Several times I was moved, elated, bouncing and feeling so happy being right here, right now.

In the last month I read all four Twilight books and I was so blown away by how it made me feel.

I’m sitting here thinking. Where have I been?  What have I been doing?  What have I been waiting for?

When was I going to start appreciating art, beauty and artistry again?  After I achieved what?  What does achieving have to do with appreciation?

I remember being a teenager and I was moved, touched, inspired, sparked, enraged and validated by song, art, film and theater. I would get enraptured by sporting events rooting for the underdog!!

Where did that go?  I’ve been so busy creating a life that someday I can enjoy, I’ve completely ignored my natural appreciation. Why has my hunt for success, fortune and fame been so all consuming?

Today I just got present to how The Drunk Monkey has owned me for the last 20 years as I chased the elusive destination called success. Now I’m here and I can’t believe I wasted so much time on it.

I didn’t need to live in a multi-million dollar house, burn through luxury cars or have 20 pairs of pimp shoes. I could have been appreciating, digging, grooving, dancing, singing, cheering on the underdog, and moved to tears the entire time. No stuff is required to feel and experience.

As I wipe the tears from my eyes, I realize that I’m happy that I went for the elusive prize for you.

I’m grateful that my heartache can be a marker, a beacon for you. So I can share with you my journey and tell you its not worth obsessing over the destination called success. No matter how much I achieve I still haven’t proved to the elusive “them” that I’m good enough or a part of the group or worthwhile or even of value.

The rules I was taught don’t apply. The promises that I was sold on didn’t get fulfilled. So I am going out on my own and making up my own rules.

Live now!  Appreciate now!  Listen to more music, roll on the ground with your kids, forgive your parents, smell the roses, stare at sunsets.

I know it sounds like sappy self help bulls*** but no matter how much stuff you have it doesn’t change your ability to appreciate.  And achieving success will not change your experience and appreciation.

I dare you to stop and appreciate everything you come across today and see what happens.

ape_with_monkey_wrench_hg_whtAre you stuck in a mediocre life?  A client recently said, “I’ve made it OK that I live a mediocre, sucky life and that I have settled for less than I could be.”

In the Inspired Action Coaching process I start by addressing the fact that this is a fantasy.  Mediocre… sucky… settled… compared to what?  When did you sit down and map out the standards that you are holding yourself to?  I don’t think you did.  I think you accidentally adopted these hurtful ways of thinking about yourself.  You have no evidence that any of it is true.

All you have is your opinion.  Did you generate this opinion, or did The Drunk Monkey hit you over the head with it? If you really pay attention, you will see that The Drunk Monkey in your head is automatically generating thoughts without your permission.  Don’t believe me?  Tell your mind to stop thinking thoughts and see what happens.  It’s not in your control and it definitely doesn’t like you.

Today notice how there are two people in your head.  The Drunk Monkey who never shuts up and someone listening.

Would you like to feel happy?  Do you want to have more peace of mind?  Then give up your opinion.

How you see the world makes no difference to anyone else.  Everyone sees the world differently.  Yet, opinions are the source of suffering and negativity.  All negativity in your life can be sourced back to an opinion that you hold.

Here is a quote from one of my all time favorite books:

“With humility comes the willingness to stop trying to control or change other people or life situations or events ostensibly ‘for their own good’.  To be a committed spiritual seeker, it is necessary to relinquish the desire to be ‘right’ or of imaginary value to society.  In fact, nobody’s ego or belief systems are of any value to society at all.  The world is neither good nor bad nor defective, nor is it in need of help or modification because its appearance is only a projection of one’s own mind.  No such world exists.”  Dr. David Hawkins, Eye of the I, page 108

If you want to learn how to let go of all the crap in your head that stops you from living a life of happiness and peace then join me Wednesday June 17th for my next complementary webinar called Turn Your Life Around Now!  Register Here

As a life coach, my job is to help people see beyond their limitations and ultimately live in a state of happiness and peace.  The problem is that most people are con artists and they don’t know it.  The dictionary defines con artist as a person adept at lying or glib self-serving talk.

Most people are trying to con everyone around them for self-serving reasons such as achieving more, getting ahead, having more sex, subverting responsibility, and, of course, avoiding potential breakdowns.  As an Inspired Action Coach I realize that you can’t be faulted for your conning nature.  Everyone is raised to be a con artist.  Not because we were purposely raised to be a con, because the truth is not apparent.

Now before you tune me out in favor of your addiction to being right, check out the five cons I see most people doing daily.

1. You pretend to be powerless. I can’t tell you how many times I hear my clients say, “I can’t!  They won’t let me!  I have to!”  All of these statements are a con.  I can’t is a lie.  I won’t is the truth.  They won’t let me is a lie.  I choose to comply with their rules or agreements is the truth.  Your life experience is completely under your control.  There are many circumstances that are beyond your control.  Your relationship to the situation either empowers you or dis-empowers you.  You get to choose your relationship.  You are not powerless.  You choose to give your power away and be the victim so that you can subvert responsibility for your life.  You can operate from an empowering context regardless of what is happening out there in the world.  Nelson Mandela said it well when he quoted Marianne Williamson in his inaugural speech, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”  To reclaim your power you must see The Drunk Monkey and all its manipulation and victim gibberish for what it really is.  Just one point of view.

Action Item:  Today notice how you give your power away by pretending that you are not choosing and that you “have to”.

2. You blame others for your emotional pain and suffering. Your emotional pain and suffering are just your personal resistance to how life is.  Rather then admitting the truth, which usually looks like “My expectations are broken.  I wanted life to be different,” you pull a con.  Blaming someone or something other then yourself for your suffering is a con.  Nothing out in the world makes you suffer.  Only the perspective you choose creates suffering.  People and life are just doing what ever they are doing and then you resist.  You are declaring life, yourself, other people and situations wrong.  Your pain has nothing to do with the person or situation, it has to do with your relationship to the situation.  Rather then telling the truth, you con people by pinning the blame on others. No body signed up to play by your rules.  Blaming others for your pain is a con, plain and simple.

Action Item:  Today tell the truth about your suffering.  Just admit that you are choosing to resist the situation and thereby you are creating your own suffering.

3. You generalize rather than deal with the truth. Let me give you an example of how human beings generalize rather than deal with the truth.  Let’s say you get in a fight with your spouse over how to spend money.  In the end, your spouse presents you with what is for you an impenetrable argument and you feel defeated.  Next time money comes up, you automatically react and get ready to feel defeated again.  Even worse, every time you think about your money situation you simple feel defeated.  Hello!!!  This is a con.  This is a manipulation.  You have created a generalization about your spouse in relationship to money.  You are literally operating like talking money with my spouse equals I will feel defeated.  Talking with your spouse about money does not equal anything until you create the meaning.  If you are being truthful, then you have to admit that you have no idea if money will trigger another argument or if an argument will make you feel defeated again.  But that doesn’t matter, does it?  In this example, you are The Drunk Monkey’s puppet.  You aren’t right here, right now, in reality.  You are in your memory of what happened in the past and speculating that it will happen again.  You are strategizing about how to avoid a negative future that may not even happen.  But you are avoiding a phantom and dealing with an untruth.  You aren’t dealing with reality.  When you generalize you make make things up about yourself, other people and situations, and these generalizations distort reality.  When you deal with people and life based on your generalizations you are up to your old con artist tricks again.

Action Item:  Stop assuming you know what people are thinking or what they are going to do and start being in communication, discovering the truth.

4. You hold people accountable to agreements they didn’t make. When people don’t do what you want, you con them by getting mad, throwing tantrums and manipulating.  At some point in life, you promoted yourself to ruler of the universe.  Have you noticed that you think people should behave the way you want?  As a life coach I see this misguided accountability structure messing up my clients’ relationships.  Each spouse was raised by a different group of people and therefore believes that their approach to life is the right approach.  Of course, their spouse’s approach is the wrong approach.  This is simply the work of a con artist.  No body signed up to play life your way.  Each of us was conditioned like a dog to behave the way our parents/environment saw fit.  Go to the bathroom over there, dress like that, talk like this.  I hate to break the news but there are 6.75 billion people on planet Earth and each one of them believes their behavior is right and your behavior is wrong.  Your life will be so much easier when you stop being the behavior police for people who don’t care about your opinion.  Try on the philosophy that the Inspired Action Coaching Program was founded on.

Action Item:  Practice total and complete acceptance of all people, in all situations, at all times, including yourself.  Get ready for your life to be easy, effortless and enjoyable.

In the Inspired Action Coaching Program we say, “You have a choice.  Live like you are the victim of life and suffer or live like you are the creator of your experience and prosper, which is better for you?”

** Let me help you get your life on track now.  I’m doing a free webinar Wednesday, join me here ***

Bad luck is just another way of saying, “My expectations were broken.” There is no bad luck, in reality. There are just occurrences that The Drunk Monkey notices and has an opinion about.

Do you want good things to happen? Yes. You are a survival machine designed to move towards pleasure as well as away from potentially dangerous things. The problem is that you believe the hallucinations of The Drunk Monkey more then you believe that you are blessed.

For most people, the best thing that could ever happen to them is a big breakdown. The Dalai Lama said it well, “Sometimes not getting what you want is the best of luck”.

If you step back and look at all the really meaningful and important aspects of your life, you will discover that most of it came out of a breakdown or some sort of bad luck. Creation is destructive.  I wish bad luck upon you and the awareness to transform it into the good luck as fast as possible.  Breakdown is the beginning of breakthrough.