A very high profile business man is hot and heavy to find his soul mate.  But being famous has its drawbacks.  So I asked him to make an attraction list which includes all the qualities and characteristics that he wants.  He sent it to me and said, “Now what?”

Creating an attraction list is not enough.

1.  You must do an honest evaluation of every thing you have on the list.  Here’s the question, “Do you possess those qualities you are attracting?”  Unfortunately, you will attract what you are, not what you wish for.

Consider this: Your perception of the women you attract will be tainted by the qualities you like and dislike about yourself.  You can only see a projection of yourself in them.  Therefore, the resolution of your own distasteful characteristics is paramount.  You must forgive yourself.  You must accept your negative qualities.

2.  You need to create an additional list.  Answer this question, “What do I WANT my perfect mate to expect from me?”  I began implementing this process after reading the book Attracting Perfect Customers by Stacey Hall & Jan Brogniez.

This second list is critical.  For example, most of the ultra-powerful clients I work with have love interests in their lives that don’t get what it means to be famous or extremely influential.  The problems in the relationship are related to expectations.  The lover/mate expects things from you that you are unwilling to be accountable for.  This creates broken expectations, which lead to conflict.

So, be totally honest about what you will be accountable for in the relationship.  Don’t allow yourself to write down any expectations out of guilt or obligation.  Only write down what you truly want your perfect mate to expect from you.

One of my clients brought up.  “When I was in Transforming Fear into Action you helped me to move past the Drunk Monkey’s fear and get into massive action.  Now I’m in Instant Manifestation Now and you are telling me to chill out and keep doing what we are doing and it will all work itself out.  I’m confused, what’s the difference?”

Here is my answer:

In Transforming Fear into Action you were practicing taking the actions that The Drunk Monkey was stopping you from taking.  You were transforming fear into action.

Instant Manifestation Now is another look at the same issues of getting what you want.  Accept, rather then confronting The Drunk Monkey because it is stopping you, in the Instant Manifestation Now training, we confront The Drunk Monkey because it is driving you to take inappropriate action.  It’s the opposite problem.  Action out of fear.

The monkey gets scared that, “If I don’t get my new goal, then I will die!” and then drives you into in appropriate action.  Action that is out of the fear of loss.

What I advise:

Don’t take action before you feel whole, complete and aligned.  Frantic action will lead to poor results which will freak The Drunk Monkey out even more and get you to take even more inappropriate action.  Action based on fear of loss is ineffective and takes far more work to complete.  You will get burned out and often go into breakdown.

Thoughts for the day:

Just got off the phone with a Realtor client who is in the Inspired Action Coaching program.  He is not doing well.  I asked him to tell me the problem.  Of course, he blamed the economy, unrealistic home owners, foreclosures, banks dumping their houses for the cash etc.

I then told him that we have many Realtor clients in the coaching who are doing well.  They didn’t seem to mind all of those elements.  In fact, they have learned to see them as an advantage.

“What isn’t working about your business?”  I asked him.

Then he said it, “I don’t want to admit it but I hate real estate!  I just got into it for the money.  Now that the market has changed, I have to really change my ways and I just can’t get myself to do it.”  He goes on to say, “I know what it takes to make this business work but I don’t like doing what it takes.  It’s got me depressed and I’m not getting out of bed.  Everyday I’m feeling worse.”

When you resist “What’s so about life” it’s almost like putting a belt around your neck and tightening it ever so slightly.  You aren’t choking for air but you feel disoriented and very uncomfortable.  The problem is, you put the belt around your neck.  You resist what is happening.

Here’s what I told him to do:

1.  Make a list of everything you love about your life now.

2.  Make a list of everything you believe works about your life now.

3.  What do you like about your business?

4.  What do you wish you could change about your business?

5.  What other times in life have you had similar complaints?

6.  What are those changes trying to teach you, that you have been avoiding your entire life?

7.  What is the advantage of learning to do those things you have been trying to avoid?  Since they keep coming up for you, why not transform them?

8.  If you didn’t have to commit to doing these things that you are avoiding forever, would you be willing to test yourself to see if you have the capacity to do these things you have been avoiding?

9.  What is one thing you can test this week just to see what you can learn about yourself?

I’m not asking this client to learn to love what he doesn’t love.  My questions and exercises help him to see “who he is” in relationship to work.  What you resist, will persist.  What you avoid will track you down.  In the Inspired Action Coaching Program we believe that what you can accept, you can transform.

If you are not happy with your work situation right now, try on this exercise and report back your findings.

As a life coach to the ultra successful, I get a front row seat to their struggles and victories.  Here is what one of my clients said as the stock market came crashing down.

“I feel guilty.  I feel like I have a secret advantage.  I could see the fear in the faces of my associates and I had compassion.  I had been there myself.  Yet, I have transformed my fear.  I have surrendered to losing everything.  I have made peace with total destruction.  This financial crisis has been the biggest life test and I passed with flying colors.  Without the coaching I would have been freaking out.  Instead of freaking out I used the awareness of The Drunk Monkey (mind chatter) and the worst case scenario techniques to my advantage.”

This person is a financial adviser for an international powerhouse.  I asked “What has been your motivation for learning this more holistic approach to life and business?”

The client responded with, “After the internet bubble burst I regretted not being equipped to support the clients through the breakdown.  What’s worse, is that most everyone who remained level headed recovered and profited from the internet bubble burst.  At the time I did not have the power to convince people that it will all turn around and with proper planning losses can be recovered.”

The client went on to say, “I remember declaring that next time this happens, I will be strong on the inside.  I will be equipped mentally, spiritually and emotionally to support people through the breakdown and into the breakthrough.  With the coaching, I am now strong and powerful.  I know what my purpose in life is.  I know who I am and why I was born.  I am committed to helping people make decisions from total clarity with no attachment to the choices they make.  I am committed to supporting people in making decisions that forward their goals verses being in a fearful reaction to the circumstances at hand.”

My client went on to say, “I cannot help others be that, unless I am being that myself.  Seeing my mind for what it really is, cleaning up my past, facing the worst case scenario and creating plans to deal with it have given me unsurpassed inner strength and clarity.  Today my clients sense it and they are soothed by it.”

If you are faced with financial hardship right now, then consider you have an opportunity to turn it into your greatest strength.

So many of my clients resist the way their parents were/are.  I find it interesting that they come to me as successful business men and women who have used their pushing against energy as an advantage.

Here is a profile on the impact that one of my clients is experiencing.

She resists her mother because her mother was so abusive.  My client reacted by becoming syrupy sweet.  It was a way to keep her mother calm and not so abusive.  Now she is 50 and is using syrupy sweet as a business practice.  And it’s only marginally effective.  She must work twice as hard because syrupy sweet is not appropriate in most business situations.  This annoys the people around her.  They feel like she doesn’t care or that she is aloof.

How does my client interpret people’s reactions?  Like they are being abusive.  So she gets even sweeter.  It’s so hard to keep up the facade.  When she gets home, she is exhausted and pissed off.  She becomes abusive with her loved ones.  But she’s not abusive like her mom.  She’s much more sneaky and underhanded.  She does it with a smile.

Her resistance to her mom has made her just like her.  We become what we resist.  If she is honest about her attitude on life, people really annoy her.  She thinks she is keeping that covered up with her sweetness.  But with further examination, using the Self Directed 360 Review Process, she finds out that everyone knows that she is righteous and judging.

She resisted being abusive like her mother but her resistance to it, creates a facade that makes life even more agitating.  It makes her grumpy and she is abusive to people in her head.  But people feel it. Her agitation is felt by everyone.  She became what she resisted.

How about you?  Who/what are you resisting?

Just got off the phone with a client in the Inspired Action Coaching. She is having a great week as a Financial Adviser for Morgan Stanley. Despite the financial meltdown, she just had the most productive week of the year. She got more new business in the last week then she had all year. Now this woman is no slacker. She is one of the top people in her firm and yet, she is finally understanding the words Inspired Action.

It seems like the rest of the world is retracting and you are accelerating. I asked her, what is source of this incredible surge of business? This was her response.

1. “I am a clear-minded individual today. After working the Inspired Action Principles for a year, I am inspired. This inspires my clients and prospective clients who have been quite afraid. My inspiration represents hope. Hope is a rare commodity right now.

2. From my own coaching experience, I can see clearly that breakdown is the beginning of breakthrough. I can communicate this to my clients with certainty because I’ve lived the principle myself. My personal breakdowns have turned into breakthroughs with the coaching. My certainty helps my clients to relax into their financial breakdown.

3. I set the intention to have more business in the meltdown than I ever have before. My own experience tells me that breakdown is the beginning of breakthrough so I’ve started being proactive about breakdown and trusting that it will lead to good fortune.

4. I am thinking about how I can best serve my clients. Most of my associates are in panic and fear. Which means they are only thinking of their own survival. With my coach’s support, I am confident and that allows me to be of service and be proactive”

Question: Are you accelerating or retracting?

I have many friends who are prominent globally.  I just finished dinner with someone whose name you would know.  This friend graces many stages with his presence, millions of people adore him, and yet, he feels alone.

I am fascinated with the degree to which people’s power, possessions, accomplishments and achievements are a reaction to their internal pain.  After coaching thousands of people to live in a state of joy now I’ve seen that the biggest obstacle to feeling totally satisfied with now is a person’s fundamental misperception.

A quote from one of my favorite books You2 by Price Pritchet sums it up so well.  “Years ago you accepted false conclusions as correct, began to live your life as if those warped ideas about yourself were true and ceased the bold experiment in living that brought you so many breakthrough behaviors as a child.”

My friend innocently drew a false conclusion that he was not loved by his mom or dad or the people that raised him.  We all do it in some way or another.  We accidentally conclude that we are separate and therefore in danger.  Then The Drunk Monkey (my nickname for the mind) takes over and starts protecting us from not being loved, being stupid, being ugly or what ever it might be.

And that’s it.  From that point on your life is ordered by this misperception.  The more you try to get love, as in my friend’s case, the more lonely you feel.  No amount of love or adoration will ever make you feel whole, safe or a part of.

I gave him a five-step exercise to pull this weed from his mind and destroy this misperception.  It’s standard practice for my Inspired Action Coaches and it creates radical amounts of bliss and joy in your life now.

If you want the five steps please comment and I’ll give them to you.

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One of our clients happens to be a new real estate agent.  He is failing miserably.  When I asked him about it, he tried to put on his practiced happy dance.  I didn’t buy it.

I asked him “How would you rate your level of satisfaction with the Real Estate business?”  He said “5”  I laughed.  You see, three minutes before, he had just admitted that he has been totally depressed and not doing anything.  “Totally depressed is a 5?” I fired back.  To which he admitted it was more like a 2.

To be depressed tells me that this very powerful and capable person has accidentally started to resist a negative future that The Drunk Monkey (his mind) has sold him on.  I asked “What are you unwilling to face in your real estate business that has feeling so powerless?” Without hesitation he replied “I’m a failure”.

Here is how I coached him.

1.  What you can accept you can transform.  Write out the worst possible thing that could happen to you if you keep going down this path.  Then come up with 2 to 5 options, if it actually did happen.

2.  Your lack of power is related to your unfulfilled promises to yourself and others.  Make a list of all the promises, commitments, accountability and tasks that you have pending right now.  Then do one of two things.  Either make a new promise and begin to reorganize your life around that promise or call the person you have the promise with and cancel it.  Be sure to give yourself realistic time frames on the promises you are choosing to keep.

3.  Get the Monkey off your back!  Go to www.mfpodcast.com and download the three free visualizations.  Listen to the Accepting Self, Others and Situations visualization for 20 minutes every single day for the next seven days.

4.  Get inspired now!  Go to www.15strategies.com and start my free 15 strategies course.  It is the 15 things my coaches and I do to help someone get out of breakdown.