I recently confronted my client on the fact that she made me a promise and didn’t keep it. Rather then owning it, and simply saying, “You are right, I said I would and I didn’t”, she did what most powerful people do. She used her enormous power to try and manipulate me into believing that her mediocre try was her best effort. I didn’t buy it.
Her tactic demonstrated a classic way powerful people screw themselves over and stay small and unfulfilled.
Why Use Temper Tantrums Vs. Just Being Honest?
Temper tantrums are like sugar. You get a temporary result but the downside is brutal. Temporarily you get to be irresponsible and you get to be a victim. Long term you give your power away and make yourself powerless. This insures you do not have the prosperity, love and peace in your life. Good for you!! When you use a temper tantrum, you don’t have to be responsible for your actions. You don’t have to own that you didn’t do what you said you would do.
As I write this one of my kids is having a temper tantrum. How appropriate. One child opened the door and didn’t see his brother coming through at the same time. The door slammed into him. Rather then admitting that he wasn’t paying attention, he screamed at his brother who was innocently opening the door, he yelled and stormed up stairs as if he was the victim of a heinous crime.
When you go ballistic with rage and anger you can divert the attention away from the fact that you were an active participant in scenario. You get to declare yourself powerless and be the martyr. I’m sure as a kid being a martyr was really effective in getting your parents to express their love for you. But now, the habit of pretending you are not responsible for your experience just makes your life suck. Good job!
The Negative Impact of Using Temper Tantrums
When you use negative energy as your tool to subvert responsibility, the people in your life don’t trust you. Yes, they smile and pretend to go along with you but in the end they gossip about you and talk about what an asshole you are. They will intentionally screw you over in the future to get you back for your behavior. This will make your life increasingly more difficult and give you even more reasons to be mad. It’s a downward cycle.
Another really powerful down side of temper tantrums is that people stop believing that you will fulfill on your promises. Which means they stop holding you accountable to being effective and powerful.
Even worse is the fact that the people in your life begin to allow you to be mediocre and weak, which means they no longer see you as powerful. When you are not known as powerful and reliable, people stop sending opportunities your way and your life gets progressively harder.
In the end, throwing a temper tantrum is simply too costly. I hope you officially remove this form of manipulation from your repertoire of communication strategies as of today.
You can have excuses or you can have results; not both.