The victim formula is at the heart of all failure. Failure being the moment YOU declare that your dream is impossible and give up. The victim formula leads to resignation and resignation will stop you dead in your tracks.
So, what is the victim formula?
Some day, when I, then I will…
“Some day, when I have the money, then I will take my family on a vacation and we will all connect and celebrate our life together.”
“Some day, when I get my degree, then I will prove to the world that I’m as good as the next person.”
“Some day, when my kids go off to school, I will finally start my creative project.”
“Some day, when I start my own business, then I will set my own schedule and I’ll make the rules.”
“Some day, when I retire, then I’ll do whatever I want, whenever I want.”
The question I usually ask my client is, “And in the mean time?”
Their answers range from…
“In the mean time, I’ve got to work 12 hours a day to get the money to go on vacation.”
“In the mean time, I’ve got to keep showing the world that I have value.”
“In the mean time, I have to put my needs on the back burner and raise my kids.”
Basically what everyone says is, “In the mean time I will tough it out and suffer!” Another way of saying that, “In the mean time I will be a victim of my circumstances and not live my dream now. I have to wait for some day.”
I have coached so many people who were stuck in this paradigm. “Some day Matthew! Some day I’m going to be successful and then I’m going to really live!”
But some day never comes. With each new accomplishment, the bar gets raised. With each new acquisition, the thirst for more stuff increases. Have you ever noticed that the moment you get something new, you are quickly on to the next thing? How long before the excitement about a new car wears off?
Some day never comes.
If you allow yourself to live within this mindset, you will eventually burn out, get resigned and mistakenly believe that dreams never come true.
What is your someday? Leave your comments below.