As a life coach, my job is to help people see beyond their limitations and ultimately live in a state of happiness and peace. The problem is that most people are con artists and they don’t know it. The dictionary defines con artist as a person adept at lying or glib self-serving talk.
Most people are trying to con everyone around them for self-serving reasons such as achieving more, getting ahead, having more sex, subverting responsibility, and, of course, avoiding potential breakdowns. As an Inspired Action Coach I realize that you can’t be faulted for your conning nature. Everyone is raised to be a con artist. Not because we were purposely raised to be a con, because the truth is not apparent.
Now before you tune me out in favor of your addiction to being right, check out the five cons I see most people doing daily.
1. You pretend to be powerless. I can’t tell you how many times I hear my clients say, “I can’t! They won’t let me! I have to!” All of these statements are a con. I can’t is a lie. I won’t is the truth. They won’t let me is a lie. I choose to comply with their rules or agreements is the truth. Your life experience is completely under your control. There are many circumstances that are beyond your control. Your relationship to the situation either empowers you or dis-empowers you. You get to choose your relationship. You are not powerless. You choose to give your power away and be the victim so that you can subvert responsibility for your life. You can operate from an empowering context regardless of what is happening out there in the world. Nelson Mandela said it well when he quoted Marianne Williamson in his inaugural speech, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” To reclaim your power you must see The Drunk Monkey and all its manipulation and victim gibberish for what it really is. Just one point of view.
Action Item: Today notice how you give your power away by pretending that you are not choosing and that you “have to”.
2. You blame others for your emotional pain and suffering. Your emotional pain and suffering are just your personal resistance to how life is. Rather then admitting the truth, which usually looks like “My expectations are broken. I wanted life to be different,” you pull a con. Blaming someone or something other then yourself for your suffering is a con. Nothing out in the world makes you suffer. Only the perspective you choose creates suffering. People and life are just doing what ever they are doing and then you resist. You are declaring life, yourself, other people and situations wrong. Your pain has nothing to do with the person or situation, it has to do with your relationship to the situation. Rather then telling the truth, you con people by pinning the blame on others. No body signed up to play by your rules. Blaming others for your pain is a con, plain and simple.
Action Item: Today tell the truth about your suffering. Just admit that you are choosing to resist the situation and thereby you are creating your own suffering.
3. You generalize rather than deal with the truth. Let me give you an example of how human beings generalize rather than deal with the truth. Let’s say you get in a fight with your spouse over how to spend money. In the end, your spouse presents you with what is for you an impenetrable argument and you feel defeated. Next time money comes up, you automatically react and get ready to feel defeated again. Even worse, every time you think about your money situation you simple feel defeated. Hello!!! This is a con. This is a manipulation. You have created a generalization about your spouse in relationship to money. You are literally operating like talking money with my spouse equals I will feel defeated. Talking with your spouse about money does not equal anything until you create the meaning. If you are being truthful, then you have to admit that you have no idea if money will trigger another argument or if an argument will make you feel defeated again. But that doesn’t matter, does it? In this example, you are The Drunk Monkey’s puppet. You aren’t right here, right now, in reality. You are in your memory of what happened in the past and speculating that it will happen again. You are strategizing about how to avoid a negative future that may not even happen. But you are avoiding a phantom and dealing with an untruth. You aren’t dealing with reality. When you generalize you make make things up about yourself, other people and situations, and these generalizations distort reality. When you deal with people and life based on your generalizations you are up to your old con artist tricks again.
Action Item: Stop assuming you know what people are thinking or what they are going to do and start being in communication, discovering the truth.
4. You hold people accountable to agreements they didn’t make. When people don’t do what you want, you con them by getting mad, throwing tantrums and manipulating. At some point in life, you promoted yourself to ruler of the universe. Have you noticed that you think people should behave the way you want? As a life coach I see this misguided accountability structure messing up my clients’ relationships. Each spouse was raised by a different group of people and therefore believes that their approach to life is the right approach. Of course, their spouse’s approach is the wrong approach. This is simply the work of a con artist. No body signed up to play life your way. Each of us was conditioned like a dog to behave the way our parents/environment saw fit. Go to the bathroom over there, dress like that, talk like this. I hate to break the news but there are 6.75 billion people on planet Earth and each one of them believes their behavior is right and your behavior is wrong. Your life will be so much easier when you stop being the behavior police for people who don’t care about your opinion. Try on the philosophy that the Inspired Action Coaching Program was founded on.
Action Item: Practice total and complete acceptance of all people, in all situations, at all times, including yourself. Get ready for your life to be easy, effortless and enjoyable.
In the Inspired Action Coaching Program we say, “You have a choice. Live like you are the victim of life and suffer or live like you are the creator of your experience and prosper, which is better for you?”
** Let me help you get your life on track now. I’m doing a free webinar Wednesday, join me here ***
December 23, 2009 – 10:05 am
In my last post, I discussed a question I got from a client regarding the positive power of negativity. After reading my post he responded with this,
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What makes you nervous? Usually it is some future 
The Drunk Monkey is always trying to keep you away from things that might be uncomfortable. Your new goals and dreams ARE going to be uncomfortable. New isn’t easy to experience because it’s different, unusual and weird. Your new goals and dreams are unknown and therefore disconcerting to the mind.
