How to Instantly Improve Your Relationships

If you want to be happier, more fulfilled and satisfied in life, then you need to stop holding people accountable to agreements they’ve never made. You know, you were raised by a group of people who basically conditioned into you. You were domesticated to believe that you should walk like this, move like that, talk like this, be like that, think these thoughts, see the world in this way, but you never chose the way that you are.

You never chose it. And because you never chose it, it isn’t necessarily the truth for you. And yet, you get mad when people don’t see the world the way that you see it. You get upset when people don’t behave the way that you think they should behave, like you’re the all-knowing, all-seeing being of the world, like we should all bow down to your infinite wisdom.

Give that up. The truth is you have no idea how the world is supposed to be, and yet, you’re holding people accountable to agreements that they never made. And the only person who suffers is you.

Relationships Can Improve When You are Accepting

Do you have post skin bug poop syndrome? Are you asking “what is post skin bug poop syndrome, Matthew?” Well, here’s the deal. I was watching the Discovery Channel the other day and this scientist was basically showing us how there are bugs that are eating our skin. They are then pooping. That poop is the smell that you are.

And the smell, the pheromones, when they go into your nose, will tell you if a person is compatible with you or not. And if they are, you have that incredible ecstasy moment. You know what I’m talking about? When you first come together with a new lover, it’s so amazing. Like the energy, the rush, the high is just unbelievable. But then after about 18 months, it goes away. And by that time most of us have either gotten into a very committed relationship because we were hoping that this high would stay or, you know, we’d marry the person or whatever.

But here’s the bottom line. It is after the bug poop smell factor wears off that you now actually have to create a relationship. And the issue that you’re going to face is that you were trained to believe that your way of operating in the world is the right way and that your spouse, mate, significant other’s way is the wrong way.

And that creates conflict. Most marriages these days, more than 50 percent now end up in divorce. There are so many people today who are single later in life. People are waiting to get married until their late thirties. Twenty years ago they would have thought the person was a loony, right? All people were married in their twenties, for example.

But today more than ever we have not yet figured out how we can come together and stay together. The key is to understand that the drunk monkey in your head is holding that person accountable to agreements that they never made and to realize that the way that you think that people should behave is not even your belief. You were conditioned like a dog to believe that. The people in your life conditioned you.

So what you want to do is you want to practice accepting your mate exactly the way that he or she is. Accept them exactly the way they are. Every time you get upset, I want you to notice you’re getting upset because they’re not fulfilling on some accountability that they never agreed to and every time you get annoyed if they’re breaking an expectation they didn’t even know existed. They didn’t know you – they don’t have a crystal ball. Let it go and watch what happens. You will see your happiness, your bliss, your joy go through the roof.

How To Get Others to See the Light

I have a client that says, “Matthew, how do I get other people to see the light, man? I want them to get into ridiculous bliss with me. So many people, they are just pissed off and miserable and they are agitated and negative and they are stuck. I want to help people get out of that.”

You can’t help people when you think that way. You can’t come from a place of righteousness. “I’m right and you’re wrong” does not work.

People will see the light in you. When you are accepting. When you are appreciative. When you are honoring. When you’re open. When you are practicing total and complete acceptance of all people in all situations at all times, including yourself. Well, guess what, people will be attracted to that. And the people who see the light will want to be around you and the people who don’t see the light won’t want to be around you.

So, stop trying to convert people and just know that everybody is on their own path. Everybody is doing the best they can. Nobody is doing anything wrong. That’s just your opinion. So consider that you’re judging people for being negative. Well, that’s like being negative about being people who are being negative, so cut that out. Just let people be the way they are.

Habitual Robotic Psycho

So, are you a habitual robotic psycho? Are you stuck in your belief that the way that you’ve been conditioned to behave is the right way? And the way that other people have been conditioned to behave is the wrong way? Are you holding people accountable to agreements they never made? Are you mad when people don’t do the things that you want them to do? Let that stuff go.

You are not the ruler of the universe. You’re not in charge of how people are supposed to be. So, chill out, man. Relax. Go with the flow and just notice how much easier your life is.

Don’t Try to Change Your Lover

Changing your lover, your spouse, your partner will never work. They don’t want to change. They got into this relationship with you because they thought that you accepted them the way they are. What makes relationships not work, what kills the bliss in relationships is that we love who we think the person could be some day when we finally fix them enough so that they’re perfect. That will kill your bliss. That will make sure that your relationship suck.

Stop trying to convert your lover, your spouse, your partner over to your tribe. They don’t want to convert. Instead appreciate, honor, accept. Why don’t you make a list today of ten things that you appreciate about your lover, your husband, wife, spouse. Make a list of ten things and just review it tonight before you go to bed. Review it tomorrow night, too. In fact, review it for the next week. See what happens when you focus on the things that you appreciate about the person that you’re in a relationship with. You will see the bliss, the joy, the happiness increase exponentially and you’ll discover they didn’t need to change. You needed to change.

Relationship Issues Stem From a Lack of Acceptance

So many of my clients come to me and they’re having relationship issues. And it turns out that they don’t actually love the person that they’re with. They love the probability that the person represents. When they got together with the person they thought to themselves, “You know, this person has such possibility. If they would just be X, Y, and Z, well, it’s gonna be so amazing. They’re on their way. I’ll help them. I’ll change them. I’ll fix them.”

That’s a recipe for a disaster relationship. If you are in a relationship thinking that someday the person’s going to change and then they’re gonna become better, you’re going to be in a relationship where you’re miserable. The game for you is to learn to accept who that person is now, exactly as they are, with no need for them to change. And when you do that, everything will start to change. They will completely begin to shift.

I was speaking to a client today, and she was saying, “Ah, my husband, he’s so lazy and he’s this, that,” etc. So I told her “All I want you do is take time every single day and make a list of five things that you really appreciate about him.” So, she did that for a week. Well, guess what happened? Suddenly his whole attitude changes. His behavior changes. He begins to shift. He’s more interesting. He’s more exciting. He’s more productive. He’s more all the things that she wanted him to be. He started becoming all of that when she shifted into a state of acceptance.

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