What to do When You React Negatively to the People You Love

Recently, one of my clients wrote to me with the question, “What do I do, when I find myself reacting negatively to the people that I love?” And I start by saying, let’s define love. I say that love is acceptance, total and complete acceptance of all people and all situations, at all times. Now, that’s not easy to attain. Why? Because we have built-in reactions that occur, and I think my client put it so succinctly, “I find myself reacting negatively to the people that I love.”

You’ve got to start to look at what you are holding people accountable to. If you’re reacting negatively to someone, it’s because you think that they should behave differently than what you’re getting from them. And if you think they should behave differently, then you’re holding them accountable to something that they never signed up for. So you’ve got to identify these “rules” that you’re holding people to.

The second thing that you want to look at is what’s triggering you. Why are you allowing the drunk monkey in you head to run the show? When I get triggered, I take a deep breath, and I say, “What’s triggering me right now? Am I feeling like I’m going to lose something? Do I feel like I’m going to somehow be embarrassed? Is there something making me feel like I’m going to get hurt in the future?” You need to think about these things because none of those things are true. You’re not going to be embarrassed by other people’s behavior. Now, you might allow yourself to be in a situation where you say, “That person shouldn’t behave like that, and it’s affecting me,” but it’s only because you’re allowing yourself to do that. It’s not the truth. When they behave however they behave, it doesn’t reflect on you, per se. And if, in some way, it cast a shadow on you, through your communication you can dissolve it and you can create a new way for people to see you.

So, ultimately, you’ve got to look at what standards you are holding people accountable to and what is it exactly that you’re reacting to. And if you can see those two things, wow, you can let it go very, very quickly.

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Rob Kaye Interview

Today I’m sharing another great interview with someone that I think you should know! Rob Kaye is an actor and life coach mainly focusing on voiceover work and coaching people in their personal and business life.  He recently published a spoken word life coaching album called YOU ARE THE HERO: Coaching and Affirmations.  He calls it your portable coach for the mind, body and soul! Rob is all about helping people relax and be inspired! You can find Rob Kaye on his web site http://www.robkaye.com/

Click the audio player below to listen to this incredible interview!

[audio:http://matthewferry.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/Rob-Kaye-Interview.mp3|titles=Rob Kaye Interview]

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Happiness is Not a Choice

Happiness is not a choice, it’s a skill. Recently, I read an article that said that happiness is a choice, and I completely disagree. When you’re unhappy, it’s a reaction. The way I see it, happiness is not a choice, it’s a conditioned response. Unhappiness is not a choice either, it’s a conditioned response. You need to start to see that you’re reacting to things, and that reaction is either happiness or something else.

If you don’t acknowledge your conditioning, then happiness will not be your response to many, things. So the question is, how do you begin to condition yourself to make happiness your response? I think the easiest way to do that is to practice asking yourself questions that will get you back to a place that you want to be. I like to ask these questions: “How am I creating this? What good can come of this situation? What would be a more effective response? What do I want?”

See, when I ask questions like that, it pulls me back to what I’m doing rather than me reacting to what’s out there in the world. And I say happiness is not a choice. It’s a skill and you have to practice it.

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Linda Trapp Interview

I have another fantastic interview featuring someone you need to know! Linda Trapp is a former Dean at the California School of Professional Psychology. She is also a consultant, speaker, and author. Linda is semi-retired to enjoy family, the arts, and occasional teaching. She wrote the book, Intentional Living, which is about the origins of thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and the consequences they ensue.

To listen to this amazing interview, click the audio player below!
[audio:http://matthewferry.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/Linda-Trapp-Interview.mp3|titles=Linda Trapp Interview]

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Improve Your Family Relationships

Happiness, ultimately, comes down to family. A Pew research project, from the Pew Research Center, did a 44-country study. They found that the biggest factor in happiness, across the board with people, was family. Many people struggle with family relationships. Who do you need to forgive so that you can engage your family more deeply? What do you need to give up?

In my audio coaching series, “Ridiculous Bliss,” I talk about what you need to do to let go of the negativity about your family members, so that you can engage them again, and get back to that place of love, harmony, and peace. What do you need to let go of?

See, nobody else needs to change to make you happy. The only thing that needs to change is your opinion. Your opinion is holding you hostage, not your family members. Just notice how you have opinions about things that you know nothing about, and that you have opinions about things that aren’t even the truth. You’re holding your family members accountable to agreements that they never even made.

You may be thinking, “Well, my parents should be like this.” The word “should” is a word from a victim. “Should,” “have to,” “must,” “need.” Those are nothing more than words of a victim. Give that up so that you can be in harmony with the people around you, and watch your happiness soar.

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No Cost, Live Ustream Broadcast Tonight!

Tonight I’m broadcasting LIVE on UStream talking to you about how to make this year the best of your life. I’m so excited to share my secrets and strategies with you!!

My event is called “4 Reasons 2011 Will Suck and How To Make Sure It Won’t“. After coaching more than 8000 people to live better lives, I have identified 4 reasons that will stop you from having a great, successful year… unless you do something about them! If you don’t know what they are, you leave your future to chance. Why leave it to chance when you can join me for my free, Ustream event?! It’s going to be fun, informative and will help you have the best year ever!

To learn more and to register, click here: http://www.matthewferry.com/bestyearever2011/ You will get the link that takes you directly to the Ustream event page.

The event is tonight (Wednesday Jan 26th) and will start at 6 pm PST / 9 pm EST. Don’t miss it! :)

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