Life Coaching Greg Smith – Why I’m Leaving Goldman Sachs Part 2

The banking industry is under attack and the flavor of the week is Greg Smith’s, New York Times article, “Why I am Leaving Goldman Sachs.”

I generally have no opinion of such matters, yet, this one hits close to home. I am a coach to some very powerful executives at Goldman Sachs and frankly, they are leading the transformation of Wall Street from the mindset of greed, back to the mindset of service and doing what’s right for the customer.

If I was coaching Greg Smith, he would likely be a central “Change Maker” in Goldman right now. I respect Greg for his courage and would encourage him to use it to serve the nation, his customers and himself.  In doing so, Goldman Sachs would become a better place to work and undeniably more profitable.

Here’s the coaching I would give Greg today: In his article he states, “The firm has veered so far from the place I joined right out of college, that I can no longer, in good conscience, say that I identify with what it stands for.”

Greg, what you are for, is more powerful than what you are against.  What you resist will persist.  What you accept will transform.  You have the power to transform what appears to be unchangeable aspects of the world, with a simple change in perspective.

Here’s the perspective I would suggest you adopt:

Everything changes.  Nothing stays the same. If you don’t like the change, then do something about it.  You are not a victim of your circumstances. The only reason you would avoid standing up for what you believe in, is the fear of not being accepted. I understand this fear. I have never seen a more political environment in a company.

When you tame The Drunk Monkey, (my nickname for the talking in your head) you can release your attachment to being liked and fitting in.  When you stop trying to be liked by people and take a stand for what you believe in, the people around you are magnetized to you.

Here are the questions you need to ask yourself:
1.  What am I committed to?
2.  How can I be a part of the solution?
3.  What changes will I need to make in my process to bring the culture back into alignment, with the principles I hold so dear?

This is not an easy thing to do.  The Drunk Monkey in your head can not stand change and begins to diminish it, make it wrong and justify why things should go back to the way they were.  The Drunk Monkey tells you to simply oppose the new conditions rather than do anything about it.  Apparently, complaining and resigning ones self to long term misery, is more appealing to The Drunk Monkey, than the short term pain of confronting the situation and creating the change you seek.

Gandhi said it best, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Being the change takes courage. It takes extreme self honesty. You have to learn to tame The Drunk Monkey in your head and no longer allow its perspective to run your life.

If you allow yourself to be a puppet to The Drunk Monkey, your life will be mostly frustration, with moments of happiness and peace.

Tame The Drunk Monkey and you start to feel happiness and peace most of the time, with brief moments of frustration.

Greg, I whole heatedly admit I do not know the entire situation that you faced, but I am glad that you had the courage to say what you did.  It is giving me an opportunity to use your words as a teaching tool for the people who care about my message. For that I’m grateful.

Life Coaching Greg Smith – Why I am Leaving Goldman Sachs – Part 1

Last night I was having a casual meeting with one of my clients who worked closely with Greg Smith at Goldman Sachs.   If you haven’t seen it, Greg wrote a very polarizing article for the New York Times recently called, “Why I am Leaving Goldman Sachs

I have been coaching executives at Goldman Sachs for years now and I completely understand Greg’s negative view of Goldman.  Many employees and partners alike have this same perspective. Yet, Without realizing it, Greg Smith and others at Goldman are drinking the very poison they hope will kill Goldman Sachs.

If I was life coaching Greg, this is what I would say to him.

In his article Greg says, “I believe I have worked here long enough to understand the trajectory of its culture, its people and its identity. And I can honestly say that the environment now is as toxic and destructive as I have ever seen it.”
Greg, you are right.  But The Drunk Monkey (my nickname for your mind) is not objective. The Drunk Monkey, in your head, is a survival machine that defaults to justifying your position.

Think about it like this.  Somewhere along the line, your feelings got hurt or a personal barrier got crossed.  Not hard to imagine, working in the world of high finance these days.  When that happened, The Drunk Monkey began to protect you from a future of hurt.  This is it’s job: Steer you away from danger. The only problem is, the Drunk Monkey generalizes.  So one person crosses the line and now your mind begins to look for more people who are behaving in bad ways. And wouldn’t you know it, they seemed to be everywhere.

There are billions of things you could focus on in any given moment.  Yet, what appears in your life is what you are focused on.  If you are focused on the greedy scum bags in the organization, that’s what you see.
Here’s a simple exercise to prove my point.  Close your eyes and see the color pink.  Think of as many pink things as you can.  Now as you continue through your day, you will notice that pink seems to stick out to you more then it did before. This is a normal brain function. You get what you focus on. If you focus on the evil greed bankers in your culture, then you will soon only see those kinds of bankers.

The second part of this coaching session would be focused on the mirror effect.  The Drunk Monkey in your head does not like in other people, what you are unwilling to accept about yourself.  In other words, the world is a mirror. Greg, the toxicity that you see is actually the internal struggles of your own negative aspects.

The next step in our life coaching process would be to identify those traits within you and begin to see them for what they really are; stories you have made up about yourself that aren’t true. When you see that you were domesticated like a dog to think, act and believe what your family group trained into you, you instantly become more compassionate towards others.

This concludes our first coaching session Greg.

I am currently working with several executives at Goldman Sachs and they too see negative elements in the culture. But unlike Greg, I have guided them to focus on what they are “for” and not what they are “against.”  In doing so, they have become more productive, more effective and absolutely more satisfied with work.

19 Ways Your Inner Child Messes Your Life Up (Revisited)

Back in 2009 I wrote 4 posts that talked about how your inner child messes your life up.  I thought it would be a good idea to revisit them all today.

As a coach, I am confronted with this question on a daily basis,

“How can I feel more happiness and peace in my life now?” 

The answer is simple but most people don’t like the answer.  “Grow up!”  Now I’m not trying to be sarcastic or condescending, hear me out on this one.  Most people are still utilizing behaviors they learned in kindergarten and on the play ground as their tools for success.  And guess what?  It ain’t workin’.

Your so called “Inner Child” isn’t so inner after all.  In fact, it’s quite outer.  One of the most important steps towards happiness and peace is giving up the behaviors you adopted as a child in favor of more conscious, responsible and adult solutions.

Here are 19 ways your inner child messes up your life and ensures you don’t experience happiness and peace.

1.  Self-pity.  Why me?  I’m a victim.  If life was different, then I would be able to be happy!

2.  Jealousy. Being attached to people will make your life miserable.  People will do what ever they do and all you can do is manage your promises, commitments and attitude towards them.  Managing their behavior will only annoy you.

3.  Envy. The Drunk Monkey (your mind) declares, “Now is wrong.  It will be better when you have that stuff over there.”  You will never arrive.  You will never have it all.  We coach people who make hundreds of millions of dollars and they still believe that someday it will all be better when they have more stuff.

4.  Competitiveness. No one is competing with you.  Everyone is trying to get ahead in a world were all the measurements are figments of your imagination.  To compete is to say that there is a way you can be a loser.  You never lose, you just learn.

5.  Temper tantrums. Manipulating people with your anger is something all children learn to do early on.  To continue to use it into adulthood is a guaranteed way to create suffering for you and others.  Most people will opt to not deal with you.  Your life will be small.  You may succeed but your life will be small as in shallow.

6.  Emotional Outbursts. Same thing as above.  If you use this as your way of getting what you want, then you will have a life filled with conflict, struggle, anger and doubt.  You will feel lonely your whole life and not really know why.

7.  Resentments.  If your life is not fulfilling, then this is the number one reason.  This is the highest priority of your Inspired Action Coach.  When you let go of your resentments, everything in your life gets better, and quick.  Standby, I’m going to start uploading some coaching calls where I help people let go of their resentments.

8.  Hatred. The Drunk Monkey loves to hate.  To hate is to demonstrate that you are in control.  To hate is to show the world that you will not be messed with.  But there is one problem.  You get what you focus on.  If you hate, you will bring negative situations upon yourself.  Give it up, today.

9.  Rivalries. To be in a rivalry means you perceive there is a lack of something.  Lack of attention.  Lack of recognition.  Lack of glory.  These are childish misconceptions.  You can always get the attention you deserve.  To be in a rivalry makes sure that you never feel satisfied, even when you win.

10.  Competition. Again.  To compete is to fear that there can only be one winner.  What you seek is the experience you think winning will give you.  Focus on getting that experience and don’t worry about who placed in what order.

11.  Seeking the limelight and admiration. The Drunk Monkey is always trying to be the biggest.  It believes if it is admired by all, then it will survive longer.  It believes if it is admired that it will be able to spread its DNA all over the planet.  Aren’t you ready to grow up?  You are going to die no matter how popular you are.

12.  Willfulness. Isn’t it bizarre how old people display behaviors they developed as 2-year-olds?  Willfulness is just a form of righteousness.  An addiction to being right.  Why?  Because The Drunk Monkey believes that being right will help you survive longer.  It won’t.  It will just make you miserable.

13. Blaming others. To be the victim and not take responsibility is standard protocol for most people.  The truth is, you are not always responsible.  But that’s not a very powerful place to stand.  In the end, there is no blame to be assigned.  There is just the experience you are choosing to have.

14.  Thwarting responsibility. Related to blaming others.  This kindergarten behavior is about declaring yourself powerless.  The only powerful thing to do in your life is take responsibility no matter what.  The person who takes responsibility has options and power.

15.  Making people wrong. This is The Drunk Monkey’s favorite past time.  By making people wrong, you get to be right.  The Drunk Monkey perceives that by being right, you will some how win more favor and stay alive longer.  Maybe you’ll get the more attractive mate if you are more right then others.  Good job, little monkey!

16.  Looking for favor. The class clown.  The know it all.  The helper.  The kiss ass.  They are all looking for favor.  Looking to be more.  Seeking the limelight in hopes of being better then others.  You will get ahead, have it all and still be live with fear and anger if you don’t let go of the idea that something outside of yourself will give you happiness.

17.  Collecting stuff.  The Drunk Monkey believes that more stuff means more life.  By more life, I mean more prestige, more security and more power.  Things do not create any of these effects.  I have seen many clients get the $7,000,000 house and instantly think it is too small or not enough.  Next they are on to the cars, plane and on and on ad infinitum.  What do you think you will accomplish with all your stuff?

18.  Showing off.  It’s all about winning favor and being special for The Drunk Monkey (your mind/survival mechanism).  Apparently The Drunk Monkey believes that if people love and adore it, then it will live longer.  It doesn’t happen and eventually you run out of tricks to show off with.  Then what do you do?  FIND TOOLS TO BE HAPPY NOW.  Good thing you are reading this blog.

19. Petulance. Which means feeling unreasonably irritable or ill-tempered.  Why do we allow ourselves to go down these dark roads?  First of all, no one has ever asked you to question them.  Second, you get so much juice from this kind of behavior.  You get to control people.  You get to manipulate.  You get to be the victim.  All of which messes your life up.

And that does it.  19 ways your inner child messes up your life.  I hope you gained some new awareness from these posts.

Want to Be in A Mastermind Group with Me?

I’m putting together a mastermind group and I want you to join it.

Over the last 3 years I’ve stumbled upon very powerful spiritual principles that have a profound impact on happiness and success.  I’ve been sharing these secrets with my private coaching clients and now I’m ready to share them with a small group of very special people.

I don’t know if you will qualify to be in the group.

But if you are interested in hearing all about it so that you can apply, then please join me this Wednesday night at 6pm Pacific / 7pm Mountain / 8pm Central / 9pm Eastern.

Register Here 

On this 60-90 minute telephone conference call I will explain:
- What the mastermind is
- What I mean by “Profound Spiritual Breakthroughs to Happiness and Success”
- Who should join
- What the qualifications are

I can’t admit everyone to participate in this because my goal is facilitate a spiritual transformation for a small group of people.  We are going to be spending a lot of time together both on the phone and in person breaking through deep rooted spiritual blocks to happiness and success.  The mix needs to be right if we are going to accomplish the goal.

I hope you will join me and find out if this is right for you.

If your intuition and pushing you towards see what it’s all about, then do everything in your power to be on the call…okay?

Matthew Ferry

P.S.  This is a call designed to introduce you to the mastermind group I am assembling.  So if you want to experience profound spiritual breakthroughs to happiness and success, then be on the call to learn more.

Baseball & The Power to Create Reality

Three Umpires were ask how they call a strike in the game of baseball…

Rookie umpire said, ” I look inside the strike zone and I call ‘em the way they are”

The experienced umpire said, “After a while I realized the best I could do is call them the way I see them”

The Master umpire said, “They ain’t nothin’ till I call ‘em!!”

Your life isn’t anything until you call it.

Life isn’t hard.

People aren’t jerks.

You aren’t stupid.

Life isn’t anything until you call it.

 

3 Simple Actions That Make You Happy

There are three actions that guarantee to your happiness.  Happiness is a skill that anybody can learn.  So most people believe that happiness is some kind of circumference that is outside of yourself.  For example, “When I have the perfect, then I’ll be happier.”  In other words, If this thing outside of myself happens, then I’ll be happy.  A lot of people think happiness is formula.  If I am watching the Super Bowl, having a cigar, drinking a drink with a hot girl on my side, then I’m happy.And those formulas certainly have their momentary hit, but long-term happiness is really just a skill.  It’s really a shift in the way that you’re thinking about yourself and about your circumstances in life.  Nothing needs to change to make you happy.

You Can Choose Happiness by Changing How You Take Action

1.  Devotion. It’s a way of being. Do what you do in the moment to the very best of your ability.  When your operating from that standpoint of really focusing in and doing your best, your mood elevates dramatically.  Even if you aren’t doing it exactly right.  Being intensely focused on doing your best feels good.  If you’re doing the dishes, if you’re walking the dog, if you’re playing with the kids, if you are hanging out with your spouse, if you’re with your friends, do your best and you will get positive feelings.  When you take the same actions you always take with devotion, the same action feels great!
2.  Acts of Service. Helping others, contributing, making a difference, and supporting other people in a selfless way will make you happy.  Anytime that you take your attention off of yourself, your happiness rises.  When you get out of your head and be of service to others, you get a boost to your happiness.   Consider this.  Your unhappiness is just a self-centered focus.  By focusing your attention on the service of others, you take your attention off of your problems and your happiness increases.
3.  Appreciation. What do you like about people?  What do you like about the situations you find yourself in?  Looking for what you like about yourself.  Active appreciation is anti-mind.  The mind, The Drunk Monkey, all that talking in your head, it’s not focused on what’s right, what’s working, what you like, what you’re happy about.  It’s focused on what’s wrong, what might be wrong, & what needs to be improved.  It’s a survival mechanism, so its job is to look for what doesn’t work and then focus on those things, and, of course, that makes you unhappy.Devotion, service and appreciation, those three actions will get you happy. Try them today!

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