Meaning, a person who is successful is just someone who can manage the darkness, the destruction, and the chaos better than other people. Because, when you’re going after your dreams, when you’re going for your goals, you’re going to find yourself in chaos, in destruction, in doubt and fear. All of that stuff is just going to simply come up. It’s part of the process. Roll with it.

Forceful Action Makes Life Hard

The agent who does 30 deals a year works 7 days a week, 15 hours a day.  When I ask her why, she says, “Matthew, I have to push so hard to get anything to happen!”  Basically she is telling me that she has to force and manipulate people and situations to get things to happen.  So I ask her, “Why do you have to push so hard?” Her answer is telling. “Because I’m afraid that the deals won’t close unless I do everything in my power to make them go!”

Her perspective is that the future won’t work itself out and she won’t be okay.  Therefore she must push, force, and make it happen.  She is constantly using the energy of fear to drive her behavior.  She is bombarding her body with adrenaline which has a very destructive effect.  She’s tired, grumpy, has a short fuse and frequently feels hopeless.  These feelings perpetuate the vicious cycle and she doubles her resolve to MAKE THESE DEALS HAPPEN!!!

Inspired Action Makes Life Easy

Now let’s talk about the agent doing 100 deals.  She works a normal five days a week.  Takes an extended weekend holiday every month.  She takes a week off every other month.  When I ask her why it is so easy for her, she shrugs her shoulders and says, “It all works itself out in the end.  There’s no need for me to stress it.”

Her language shows us that she feels certain that the future will be positive.  When something starts to go wrong for this agent, she simply surrenders and lets it go.  She has trained herself to know that it will all work itself out.

This perspective is very attractive and allows her to give her clients the room they need to complete the transaction the way that feels most comfortable.  In other words, her confidence that it will all turn out fine makes her more flexible.  Flexibility gives her more options which empowers her in the situations she finds herself in.

When you are empowered you think more effectively, you are more creative and you are more resourceful.  You are Inspired and In Action!

Coaching Exercise

If you have to force something to happen, then you are probably resisting or feeling afraid that it won’t turn out.  When you predict that it won’t turn out, you attempt differently.  For some people this is effective and causes them to be more precise.  I’ve noticed that for most people the added pressure and fear cause dysfunction.

If you find yourself forcing something to happen, then stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?”  Just that question will clear your head and reveal the truth.  And the truth is, most situations are not life or death.

Worried

Last night I had one of those nights where my mind worried.  Using my techniques, I didn’t pay much attention.  But I used to get gripped by the madness.  Laying there not able to do anything about any concern because it’s midnight, I’m in my PJ’s and I’m trying to go to sleep for God’s sake!.  Those were some bad nights.

The trick to getting some distance from the insanity of The Drunk Monkey happens to be my main philosophy: “Total and complete acceptance of all people in all situations at all times, including myself.”

So, last night I was practicing total acceptance and I didn’t get wrapped up in the drama.  But I did begin to notice the source.  And that’s what this post is about.  Those conditions that make my mind (and probably yours too) worried.

5 Conditions That Were Present Prior To The Night of Worry

1.  Not enough sleep.  I’ve been burning the midnight oil for about two weeks straight completing some projects.

2.  Too much work!  I have agreed to do some new projects for my father’s company which was basically a choice to work more.

3.  Minimal fitness training.  Because the above dominoes fell, I choose to work out less.  If I work out four days a week, I feel great.  If I work out less, I feel less then great.

4.  Eating poorly.  I notice that when I’m tired and exhausted, I’m drawn to sugar, carbs, fat and caffeine.  An energetically lethal combo when overdone  (for my body/mind/spirit).

5.  And finally to top it all off… Labor Day party-filled weekend.  If my equilibrium wasn’t trashed already, then two straight days of beach, eating bad and minimal sleep tipped me right over the edge.

The Results:  My mind goes crazy with worry, doubt, fear about the future and tries to keep me awake.  Thank God I have the tools to ignore it or this would be a very hard week.

By the way, I’m doing a FREE training call Wednesday called…

Control Your Thoughts, Control Your Life

If you want to learn some of my tricks to keeping The Drunk Monkey under control, then check it out here.

The way forward is the present moment.  The future is dark and scary to The Drunk Monkey (your mind), the present moment is a flashlight that you are shining into the future to see what is there.

Today practice gratitude, appreciation, and practice understanding today.  Notice the beauty around you.  Pay attention to the fact that all is well in this moment.  The future isn’t coming the way your mind thinks it is.  Quit allowing The Drunk Monkey to fantasize about the future that isn’t coming.  You don’t know what’s going to happen next.  Stay HERE now instead.  From there moving forward is easier to handle.

What gets in the way is our opinion.  “This shouldn’t be!” the Drunk Monkey screams.  But if you look at the history of your life you will see that all great obstacles were necessary to get you where you are today.  Destruction is the beginning of creation and creation is the beginning of destruction.  When you create, you push up against the status quo and that creates opposition.

If you are feeling opposition to your goals, then you are on your way.

a.  Notice the body reacting negatively.  Most positive people avoid negative feelings.  A more powerful thing to do is to feel them completely to understand the feeling.  Rather than resisting it or denying it, feel it fully from a detached observer point of view.

b.  Step back and see the whole situation.  See the upsetting situation from all points of view and notice that the anger, fear etc dissipates quickly.

In the anger is automatic.  Happiness, peace, joy and all the other positive emotions are chosen.

New life come with a hefty price. It is destructive. Your old life will fight back, push you down and tell you that you can’t have what you want.

In those moments you must learn to tame The Drunk Monkey and take a stand for what you believe is possible. It’s not easy, it’s not effortless and it’s not enjoyable. It’s scary and hard. But the reward of your new life is worth the temporary pain and destruction. So go for it.

Are you willing to take a stand for the life you want?

Happiness and success occur when you are totally responsible for your life in every way.  Meaning, no one and nothing out there in the world have dominion over you.

Do you have control over the world?  Not always.  But do you have control over your experience of the world?  Yes.  How you choose to view a situation determines your actions which influences the results.  When you take the blame for everything that occurs in your life, when you declare yourself responsible for the experience you are having, you can turn lemons into lemonade.

The Drunk Monkey strikes again.  Fear and doubt are important mechanisms of The Drunk Monkey (your mind).  Fear and doubt are guiding forces away from potential danger.  The problem for most people, including my client, is that life is not dangerous at all.  Not knowing what to do with your life is not dangerous.  Therefore when you are in fear and doubt just notice how you are hallucinating that something bad is going to happen and you are avoiding that illusion.

The second part of my client’s statement is “Why can’t my life be easy like other people?”.  Again, this is a misperception.  After coaching more than 8300 people to achieve happiness and success I can tell you with certainty that lives look easy on the outside but everyone’s monkey makes it difficult on the inside.

Life isn’t hard.  Your resistance to what life is makes it hard.  If you will pause and see The Drunk Monkey madness in your head for what it is, then you will be able to let it go and move forward again.

Negativity is neutralized by becoming aware of its source.  I define negativity as the resistance you have to what is so.  Life is just lifing along and then you are resisting what ever it is doing.  The past is simply a figment of your imagination that you are now resisting.  The future is a hallucination you are having that you are resisting.  People are just doing whatever they are doing and you are reacting to your opinion of what they are doing.  It’s not what they are doing that bothers you, it is your opinion about what they are doing that is bothering you.

In a nutshell, your opinion is the source of your negativity.  And where does this opinion come from?  Your infinite wisdom?  NO!  The Drunk Monkey in your head!!!!  All hail the great and wise Drunk Monkey.  You have been conditioned like a dog to think that “this is the right way to pee!  That is the right way to dress!  Those are the right behaviors!”  But all of that is just your parents or whoever raised you doing their best to get you ready for life.  What you believe about the world is not the truth.  What you believe is just conditioning.  Today, just roll with life and watch negativity dissipate before your eyes.