Darkness is Part of Success

You don’t know darkness unless you know light. And you don’t know light unless you know darkness. The darkness is a mandatory part of the process. If you have a goal to achieve more success, more money, greater projects, greater prosperity, you’ve got to go through those times of incredible doubt, despair, freaking out, worry, concern – those things just come up. And what they do is they cause you to consider what is next. They cause you to consider what might be missing. So, you have to have those dark moments. I just want you take this thought into your body: Success ultimately is nothing more than a series of well-managed breakdowns.

Meaning, a person who is successful is just someone who can manage the darkness, the destruction, and the chaos better than other people. Because, when you’re going after your dreams, when you’re going for your goals, you’re going to find yourself in chaos, in destruction, in doubt and fear. All of that stuff is just going to simply come up. It’s part of the process. Roll with it.

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Why Life is Hard and How to Make it Easy

I’m coaching two Realtors.  One does 100 transactions a year with ease and the other does 30 a year with hard work and stress.

Forceful Action Makes Life Hard

The agent who does 30 deals a year works 7 days a week, 15 hours a day.  When I ask her why, she says, “Matthew, I have to push so hard to get anything to happen!”  Basically she is telling me that she has to force and manipulate people and situations to get things to happen.  So I ask her, “Why do you have to push so hard?” Her answer is telling. “Because I’m afraid that the deals won’t close unless I do everything in my power to make them go!”

Her perspective is that the future won’t work itself out and she won’t be okay.  Therefore she must push, force, and make it happen.  She is constantly using the energy of fear to drive her behavior.  She is bombarding her body with adrenaline which has a very destructive effect.  She’s tired, grumpy, has a short fuse and frequently feels hopeless.  These feelings perpetuate the vicious cycle and she doubles her resolve to MAKE THESE DEALS HAPPEN!!!

Inspired Action Makes Life Easy

Now let’s talk about the agent doing 100 deals.  She works a normal five days a week.  Takes an extended weekend holiday every month.  She takes a week off every other month.  When I ask her why it is so easy for her, she shrugs her shoulders and says, “It all works itself out in the end.  There’s no need for me to stress it.”

Her language shows us that she feels certain that the future will be positive.  When something starts to go wrong for this agent, she simply surrenders and lets it go.  She has trained herself to know that it will all work itself out.

This perspective is very attractive and allows her to give her clients the room they need to complete the transaction the way that feels most comfortable.  In other words, her confidence that it will all turn out fine makes her more flexible.  Flexibility gives her more options which empowers her in the situations she finds herself in.

When you are empowered you think more effectively, you are more creative and you are more resourceful.  You are Inspired and In Action!

Coaching Exercise

If you have to force something to happen, then you are probably resisting or feeling afraid that it won’t turn out.  When you predict that it won’t turn out, you attempt differently.  For some people this is effective and causes them to be more precise.  I’ve noticed that for most people the added pressure and fear cause dysfunction.

If you find yourself forcing something to happen, then stop, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?”  Just that question will clear your head and reveal the truth.  And the truth is, most situations are not life or death.

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5 Reasons the Mind Gets So Worried

Worried

Worried

Last night I had one of those nights where my mind worried.  Using my techniques, I didn’t pay much attention.  But I used to get gripped by the madness.  Laying there not able to do anything about any concern because it’s midnight, I’m in my PJ’s and I’m trying to go to sleep for God’s sake!.  Those were some bad nights.

The trick to getting some distance from the insanity of The Drunk Monkey happens to be my main philosophy: “Total and complete acceptance of all people in all situations at all times, including myself.”

So, last night I was practicing total acceptance and I didn’t get wrapped up in the drama.  But I did begin to notice the source.  And that’s what this post is about.  Those conditions that make my mind (and probably yours too) worried.

5 Conditions That Were Present Prior To The Night of Worry

1.  Not enough sleep.  I’ve been burning the midnight oil for about two weeks straight completing some projects.

2.  Too much work!  I have agreed to do some new projects for my father’s company which was basically a choice to work more.

3.  Minimal fitness training.  Because the above dominoes fell, I choose to work out less.  If I work out four days a week, I feel great.  If I work out less, I feel less then great.

4.  Eating poorly.  I notice that when I’m tired and exhausted, I’m drawn to sugar, carbs, fat and caffeine.  An energetically lethal combo when overdone  (for my body/mind/spirit).

5.  And finally to top it all off… Labor Day party-filled weekend.  If my equilibrium wasn’t trashed already, then two straight days of beach, eating bad and minimal sleep tipped me right over the edge.

The Results:  My mind goes crazy with worry, doubt, fear about the future and tries to keep me awake.  Thank God I have the tools to ignore it or this would be a very hard week.

By the way, I’m doing a FREE training call Wednesday called…

Control Your Thoughts, Control Your Life

If you want to learn some of my tricks to keeping The Drunk Monkey under control, then check it out here.

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How To Move Forward Without Fear

The Drunk Monkey is always trying to keep you away from things that might be uncomfortable.  Your new goals and dreams ARE going to be uncomfortable.  New isn’t easy to experience because it’s different, unusual and weird.  Your new goals and dreams are unknown and therefore disconcerting to the mind.

The way forward is the present moment.  The future is dark and scary to The Drunk Monkey (your mind), the present moment is a flashlight that you are shining into the future to see what is there.

Today practice gratitude, appreciation, and practice understanding today.  Notice the beauty around you.  Pay attention to the fact that all is well in this moment.  The future isn’t coming the way your mind thinks it is.  Quit allowing The Drunk Monkey to fantasize about the future that isn’t coming.  You don’t know what’s going to happen next.  Stay HERE now instead.  From there moving forward is easier to handle.

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Thank God Life Opposes Your Dreams

If life went exactly as planned, you wouldn’t learn anything.  If life didn’t push against you, you wouldn’t grow or evolve.  The contrast is what you need to know how to create the vision in your head.

What gets in the way is our opinion.  “This shouldn’t be!” the Drunk Monkey screams.  But if you look at the history of your life you will see that all great obstacles were necessary to get you where you are today.  Destruction is the beginning of creation and creation is the beginning of destruction.  When you create, you push up against the status quo and that creates opposition.

If you are feeling opposition to your goals, then you are on your way.

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Anger is Not a Choice

istock_000001624654smallMost powerful people mistakenly believe that anger is a choice.  With further examination and attention to the matter you will see that the body reacts to potential threats automatically.  To control the answer and turn it into something positive you need to do the following:

a.  Notice the body reacting negatively.  Most positive people avoid negative feelings.  A more powerful thing to do is to feel them completely to understand the feeling.  Rather than resisting it or denying it, feel it fully from a detached observer point of view.

b.  Step back and see the whole situation.  See the upsetting situation from all points of view and notice that the anger, fear etc dissipates quickly.

In the anger is automatic.  Happiness, peace, joy and all the other positive emotions are chosen.

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