Another Thought on Positivity and Paying Bills

I just re-watched my video on “Will Positivity Pay My Bills” and these are my thoughts.

My point in the video is that positivity won’t solve anything. Positivity is what happens to you when you get back to the place where there is hope again. In order to do that, you have to get brutally honest about your finances and start letting stuff go, renegotiating bills and making the hard decisions. As first, that’s brutal but very soon it becomes liberating. When you start feeling liberated and your energy goes up, you start feeling more optimistic. That optimism makes you more resourceful which suddenly opens up new possibilities that weren’t there before and BAM!! Killer s*** starts happening in your life. I’ve been there several times in my life and the initial process was not fun. But the end result was worth it.

Anger is Not a Choice

istock_000001624654smallMost powerful people mistakenly believe that anger is a choice.  With further examination and attention to the matter you will see that the body reacts to potential threats automatically.  To control the answer and turn it into something positive you need to do the following:

a.  Notice the body reacting negatively.  Most positive people avoid negative feelings.  A more powerful thing to do is to feel them completely to understand the feeling.  Rather than resisting it or denying it, feel it fully from a detached observer point of view.

b.  Step back and see the whole situation.  See the upsetting situation from all points of view and notice that the anger, fear etc dissipates quickly.

In the anger is automatic.  Happiness, peace, joy and all the other positive emotions are chosen.

Meet The Spiritual Drunk Monkey

monkey_swimsuit_smiling_lg_whtYesterday I wrote about people using spirituality to cover up the negative aspects of their life.  See post here.  Today I want to address another stop to happiness, “The Spiritual Drunk Monkey”.

This is a very simple concept that causes many “spiritually evolved” people to have sucky lives (aka:  I put on a happy facade to cover up my discontent).

As some point The Drunk Monkey begins to use spirituality as a survival tool.  It recognizes that you are committed to a spiritual path and then begins to use spirituality to make you right and others wrong.  The chatter in your head changes its tune and starts to sound something like this, “Spiritual people are the right people and non-spiritual people are the wrong people.”  This is just more of the same monkey madness that makes life not functional.  By the way, your opinion is the source of all your suffering.

Ultimately spirituality is a matter of surrender and acceptance which will ultimately eliminate negative emotions and fear.  Therefore, if you experience any negative feelings around ideas like, “My family just doesn’t get my spirituality!” or “People just don’t get how much more powerful it is to be spiritual.”  then you are not in a state of surrender and acceptance.  These are statements of fear.

Give up the spiritual Drunk Monkey today.  Let non-spiritual types be the way they are with no opinion one way or the other.  Stop reacting to death, destruction, people being treated poorly and all the other things in the world that contradict The Drunk Monkey’s opinion.  Try it for a day and see what happens.

I dare you to accept that which you can not accept.

Why Do Many Spiritual Types Have Sucky Lives?

Ugh!Because of the nature of my training and coaching programs, many of my clients come to me with a very spiritual perspective on things.  The promise of a spiritual perspective is that you will feel more connected, more loved, more joyous, and feel a sense of oneness.  Yet, many spiritual people DO NOT have an abundance of these experiences.  In fact, most of the spiritual people I meet have pretty sucky lives.  And guess what, I’ve been there too.  Here’s why.

There is a myth perpetuated by the misunderstanding of ancient spiritual text that you must withdraw from life in order to be spiritual.  The whole, “Poverty is more spiritual” things is a total misperception.

Adopting a more spiritual perspective simply means that you are focusing less on action and more on how you experience that action.  In other words, spiritual people investigate the non-material or experiential aspects of life.  But that doesn’t mean you give up the material aspects.  Can you?  Yes.  This is classically called “The Pathway of Negation”  Which is great if you plan to be a monk.

Most spiritual people are just normal peeps living normal lives.  Most have engaged spirituality as a way of enhancing their experience.   Being a monk is generally not an option or even a desire.  Yet, spiritual types often buy into this idea of “less is more” in a destructive way.  Lemme explain.

Most spiritual types are not being honest about why they are spiritual in the first place.  Many are using spirituality as a way of reducing the amount of negative experiences they have in life.  Like a tool for fixing their broken life.  On the other hand, many use their spiritual practice to have enhance their life including family, relationships, work, hobbies and various other interests.  They are not willing to give all these things up and be a monk.  So here’s the misfire.  Often they are so focused on being spiritual that they forget about being sure their life functions effectively. I know I’ve made the mistake of believing that being spiritual will make everything in life work out. “Just go with the flow dude!” I would think to myself.  Unfortunately, the exact opposite is the case.  If you don’t work on having your life work, then it won’t.  No matter how happy you are during the process.  Your life will still suck.

Here’s another mistake I used to make.  I would use my spiritual tools to maintain happiness because my life was messed up.  NEWS FLASH!  When your life works, you don’t have to use your spiritual tools to be happy in miserable situations.  You can just be happy and love your life.  If your life doesn’t work, then you are constantly using your spiritual tools to maintain happiness in situations that most people would be miserable in.

If this describes you, cut it out.  Get back in action and make your life work.  Which is not a spiritual process.  That is a functional process.  Do this and your spirituality will be 1000 times more pleasurable because you won’t have to use your tools to cover up your unhappiness.  You’ll simply be happy and then use your tools to be even happier.  Okay?

Yo!  Spiritual Peeps!  Be as committed to having a life that works as you are to practicing spirituality and you will live an extraordinary life.  FYI  God/Spirit/Universe wants that for you.

The Power of Letting Go

A client of mine is between a rock and a hard place. Like millions of people in America today, this person thought that buying a kind of real estate, over-leveraging, and betting on speculation was the smart thing to do. It has since blown up in her face and now she finds herself making a lot of money, but owing more than she makes every month.

The key is to let it all go, and this has been a tough process. Admitting that she has not accomplished what she set out to accomplish or that admitting that she made a mistake is the absolute critical first step. She’s embarrassed. She doesn’t want to look bad. She’s afraid of what people will think. These negative future prophecies that her mind is hitting her with keep her stuck and not moving forward. She has not been taking the action she knew she needed to take 18 months ago, so here we are today in a much worse position.

This is the same kind of behavior that I suppose gambling addicts have. They just keep thinking, the next time I’m going to win, the next month, I’m going to win, the one next one I’m going to win, and then I’ll bring it all back, and I’ll be victorious, but ultimately, it has shot her in the foot, and she has lost hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars in the process. The key is to just admit it and let it all go, to know that if you have built it once, you can build it again, that people make mistakes. Disney even went bankrupt, and he was a pretty smart guy who built a pretty amazing thing. It’s okay to admit your failures and let it all go.

How to Neutralize Negativity

kill_your_computer_hg_whtYesterday I posted a thought about how positive people rarely deal with their negativity because they feel it will make them negative.  I proposed that the problem with not dealing with the negativity that lurks below the surface is that it seeps out of you in ways that others can sense.  You end up becoming a rose garden with a sewer underneath.  I had some great comments on various social sites that I wanted to address.

Negativity is neutralized by becoming aware of its source.  I define negativity as the resistance you have to what is so.  Life is just lifing along and then you are resisting what ever it is doing.  The past is simply a figment of your imagination that you are now resisting.  The future is a hallucination you are having that you are resisting.  People are just doing whatever they are doing and you are reacting to your opinion of what they are doing.  It’s not what they are doing that bothers you, it is your opinion about what they are doing that is bothering you.

In a nutshell, your opinion is the source of your negativity.  And where does this opinion come from?  Your infinite wisdom?  NO!  The Drunk Monkey in your head!!!!  All hail the great and wise Drunk Monkey.  You have been conditioned like a dog to think that “this is the right way to pee!  That is the right way to dress!  Those are the right behaviors!”  But all of that is just your parents or whoever raised you doing their best to get you ready for life.  What you believe about the world is not the truth.  What you believe is just conditioning.  Today, just roll with life and watch negativity dissipate before your eyes.

sizegenetics extender