Matthew Ferry's Blog

So many people in the self-help industry preach about being positive when they are on stage.  Then when they are off stage, they throw temper tantrums, get pissed off, are frustrated, worried, and annoyed.  To be honest with you, the whole notion of “Being Positive” is stupid.  Its like saying to a surfer, “Be a good surfer.”  Being a good surfer is the natural result of mastering the skills of surfing.  A positive outlook on life is the natural result of mastering The Drunk Monkey (your mind).

To say to your spouse, “Just be positive!” is ridiculous.

Unless someone has made a commitment to mastering self awareness, they don’t have a chance.  The Drunk Monkey’s job is to keep you alive by moving towards pleasure and away from pain.  The Drunk Monkey uses a wide variety of negative emotions and rushes of endorphins to get you to do it’s bidding.  Consider you have very little control over how you respond to most of life.  Read my other posts on The Drunk Monkey to understand more.

In 20 years of studying human behavior, I have yet to find a person who has adopted a positive mental attitude that isn’t deeply inauthentic.  They are like a rose garden with a sewer underneath.  Polished pseudo-positivity on top with gallons of negative goop underneath.  This is why the world thinks positive people are stupid and naive.

The only way out is awareness.

You must become aware of how your mind, The Drunk Monkey, works.  You must see it in action and realize that your mind not you, it’s a biological mechanism.  This awareness will lead to flexibility in your behavior.  Instead of getting pissed off, you step back and notice other options you could choose that would be more functional.  This new set of options leads to a feeling of power.  When you feel empowered you are naturally functioning in what others might call a positive mental attitude.  Not because you are making yourself be positive, because it’s the natural behavior of a highly functioning individual who is no longer run by irrational fears.

Instead of dealing with what doesn’t work and creating a new context to become empowered inside of it, we try to smooth it over with a thousand affirmations, some new goals and a dream board.  Sorry but it won’t work.  I’ve taught positivity to thousands and people achieve results and still wonder when they are going to feel happy, fulfilled and satisfied.