In very simple terms, “You hold your spouse accountable to agreements they never made!”
We all experience that intense burst of chemicals in our body during the first 18 months of the relationship. The phrase “Love is Blind” refers to that period in the relationship when we are obsessed with the other person and can not see all the attributes which will later provide conflict. This is the universe’s way of making sure we mate!
Next we decide to dedicate our lives to each other to hold on to that feeling. We are all disappointed when the feeling doesn’t last. Eventually the chemicals in your body (powerful mind-altering drugs) wear off and the real challenge begins. Love is actually acceptance and not the overwhelming feelings we experience in the beginning. Again, those feelings are just biological chemicals designed to get you making babies.
Most people’s marriages are a down hill battle from there. Why? Because you don’t understand your biology. Your mind, which I call The Drunk Monkey, is designed to keep you alive longer. It does that by avoiding the unknown and sticking with the known. Problem is, you just married the unknown. This person was raised by a different monkey tribe and they believe the world is totally different. Everything they do is different and not your way!
You were attracted to your spouse’s differences and now that you have solidified the relationship, The Drunk Monkey treats those differences as a threat. “She should do it like I do it!” The Drunk Monkey says. “Hello stupid! Everyone knows THIS is how it is!” The Drunk Monkey screams in your head as you smile and pretend to be nice.
Most people spend the majority of their marriage trying to convert their spouse to the right way of doing things. Which, of course, is your way. And where did your way come from? You were domesticated like a dog to believe that the world worked the way your parents told you.
Your way isn’t the right way. Your way is the way you were trained (just like a pet monkey) to do things. Let your spouse do things their way and you do things your way and life will be really good, really fast.
Total and complete acceptance is the only way back to love.
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Right on.
I think we also hold our spouses accountable for what we should hold ourselves accountable for. It’s a constant awareness of where I stop and start and where “he” stops and starts. Good to remember that we are walking in partnership. We each have our own lives, goals, dreams and our job is to support ourselves and one another to reach their ultimate potential.
Now, where did I put that honey do list…?
(ha, ha)
Susan