Create New Standards For Yourself

Are you creating standards that make you feel bad about yourself, about your personality, about your situation? Are you holding yourself accountable to standards that don’t even exist? I’d be willing to bet that you are.

Take my client for example, she sets a goal every single month to bring in $30,000.00 in revenue. Every single month she brings in about $12,000 to $15,000 in revenue. I keep saying to her, “Why don’t we set a goal to bring in $15,000 because that is a stretch month for you?” And she keeps saying, “No, no, I can do $30,000. Whatever you put your mind on, you can get” blah blah blah!!

Well, this, my friend, is a structure for feeling like crap, and she feels like crap all the time. Now when you feel like crap, you don’t expand and you don’t get better. You’re not more effective. So when you hold yourself accountable to standards that make you feel bad, you actually diminish or create a worse result and experience for yourself in life.

So many people are holding themselves accountable to standards that don’t exist for their body. They’re making their body wrong. You may thing “my body shouldn’t look like that, my butt is too big” blah blah blah! Well, in the end, the drunk monkey in your head is literally trying to protect you from you, and protect you from the circumstances in your life. That just shows you how safe your life is. Your life is so perfect, wonderful, delicious, easygoing, and effortless that your mind now is bored and is now spending its time trying to keep you safe from you.

It’s insanity. Start to call BS on the mind. Start to know that life is perfect and the only thing that makes it unperfect is your opinion. And I’d like you to just notice that you don’t even generate your own opinions. Your opinions just bubble up, blub, blub, blub, blub. They’re not even yours. They’re automatic.

If Life Gives You Lemons…

Your mom dies, yes. Your dog dies, yes. You break your leg, your car gets stolen, you get hurt, you get screwed over, you get ripped off. Don’t think of these things as only negative. All of these things are valuable tools for you to learn. Contrast is exactly what you need to create the happiness and the joy in your life. If things were going perfectly for you all the time, you’d be miserable. The challenge, the getting knocked off balance, having to regain, having to learn, having to grow… that’s where the joy is. To get into a state of ridiculous bliss, you’ve got to begin to acknowledge that everything that is happening is the perfect thing for you.

What To Do When Your React Negatively To People You Love

A client writes, “My mom brings out the tribal warrior in me and we have some pretty intense exchanges. Today I was practicing being compassionate and thinking she is doing the best she can and then in her presents I felt furious. My nerves were on edge and our exchange was terrible. What can I do when I feel like just out of nowhere provoked intensely. I know I am not a victim of my mom but she makes me really mad. I think she acts inappropriately and out of bounds.”

My response: Somewhere along the line, The Drunk Monkey has decided that your mom is a threat. Now her presence represents potential danger. Of course this is a delusion. The only way out is to notice (which you are) and then own it with your mom. You must get with your mom and apologize for being reactive.

Sit with her and say, “Mom for some reason my brain has decided that I am the ruler of the universe and it has declared that your behavior is wrong and my behavior is right. Apparently some time in the past my nervous system got tweaked and I started protecting myself against you, as if you were a threat. But I can see now mom, that you are not a threat to me. You did things differently. You do things in ways that I don’t agree with. But these things are not a threat to me. I apologize for being unconscious around you and not allowing you to just be yourself. I promise to catch myself reacting to you. I promise to allow you to be exactly as you are and accept that you do things differently.”

Does Having Children Make You Happy?

In a paper named a “Global Perspective on Happiness and Fertility” the researchers asked: Taking all things together, would you say you are very happy, quite happy, somewhat happy, or not at all happy with people who have children? There was a wide variety of responses.

They tried to tie it together to some socio-economic factor, but the truth is – whether you have kids or not will not determine if you are happy. How you perceive the situation is going to make you happy or not happy.

If you are feeling dominated by your children, then you are not going to be happy about it.

How do you feel dominated by your children? You feel like they have control. You feel like they are deciding what the mood and what the actions are in the family. When you have struck some equilibrium where everybody gets to play, everyone gets to decide, you feel fulfilled and satisfied, you feel expressed, then guess what – you are going to feel happy.

Your happiness depends on you, not external factors.

Is Happiness a Disease?

Well, it turns out that happiness and sadness both spread like diseases. In a study done by Harvard University and MIT, a mathematical model was put to a study to see if happiness and sadness, if your emotional state infects other people. Guess what? It does.

Over a several-year period, they realized that by applying a traditional, infectious disease simulation to the data they had collected on 1,880 test subjects, the sadness would spread throughout the people who were exposed to it. The happy would spread throughout the people who were affected by it.

I remember my son saying to us at dinner the other day, “It is so weird Dad. When I am here at your house, my complaints disappear so quickly. I am able to maintain my happiness and my joy so much more easily than when I am over at Mom’s.” It just confirmed for me that one person’s commitment to happiness can massively and dramatically affect everyone else in your life.

So what are you committed to? Are you going to spread the disease of the drunk monkey? Or, are you going to spread the disease of your higher self into your life today?

How To Feel Ridiculous Bliss During Divorce

Divorce can be brutal on you emotionally.  When my first wife divorced me, I was devastated for a couple of years.  Needless to say, back then I did not understand how to feel bliss and all I had was anger, doubt, fear, disappointment and hurt feelings.

That was 14 years ago and it was the catalyst for a profound transformation in my life.  I’ve sought bliss and found it.  Since then, I’ve supported many of my clients through the process of divorce.  In my program Creating Relationship Ecstasy (which is included in my Inspired Action Weekly Program) I mapped out the process in great detail.  So the question is, can you experience bliss while in the middle of your spouse divorcing you?

The Cost of Ridiculous Bliss During Divorce

You can’t just snap your fingers and have Ridiculous Bliss during divorce.  It’s going to cost you some very valuable emotional attachments.  The Drunk Monkey is very greedy and operates from fear and you will have to confront the illusions it has created and give them up.

The cost of bliss in the middle of divorce is the cost of righteousness. You’re going to have to give up that you’re right and that your spouse is wrong.   If you are not able to acknowledge the validity of your spouse’s reasoning, then you will not feel bliss.

Another cost is going to be the cost of being a victim.  You are going to have to let go of the idea that your spouse is screwing you over and that you are being victimized and that he/she is ruining your life.  You will have to give up the BS story that he/she is causing your life harm. They’re not causing your life harm, they’re simply leaving. And then, you have to deal with that.

Another cost is going to be irresponsibility. You’re going to have to admit that you were part of this process, that you were part of why the person is leaving and that you are equally responsible for the situation turning out the way that it is.

If you are willing to deal with those costs, then you can find yourself back to bliss and get to a place where you start to feel good, feel happy, feel powerful again. Until you are willing to give up these things and submit these costs, you’re going to feel victimized, feel like you are being attacked and believe that your life is being ruined and that things are no good, and that you have no control, that you’re a powerless victim. And, none of these things are the truth and all of those things will make you feel miserable and upset.

Divorce is An Opportunity

You absolutely can feel bliss in the middle of your divorce if you begin to examine or look at your divorce as an opportunity. Begin to dream about possibilities.  Realize that you are now going to grow.  Know that you’re going to the next level. The next phase is beginning. You’re going to have new choices, new opportunities and new possibilities that are going to arise for you out of this.

Breakdown is the beginning of breakthrough.  If you will stay present to that future and what it means and what you can create out of this, you can go into more exuberant, joyous states.

Life Coach Matthew Ferry Life Coaching website

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