A life coaching client wrote in, “I have a question. Whenever we are asked what our dreams and goals are, I like freeze, I can never really come up with what my dreams are and I can’t find goals that excite me. It’s like they have been suppressed for so long I don’t even know. It’s like whenever that question comes it’s like a kid taking a test and just freezes.”
The Drunk Monkey Reins Supreme
Several aspects of ourselves stop us from setting new goals. The biggest one is fear. The Drunk Monkey is trying to protect you from getting hurt. It believes that if you stay the same, then your life will remain relatively safe.
Exercises For Breaking Through Resistance
I like to use two different techniques to break out of this pattern. The first is called The Worst Case Scenario. Write out the worst possible thing that could happen if you create some new goals and notice that just the exercises free you up to be more expressive.
The second technique I like to use comes from my NLP training and I call it getting leverage. Visualize what your life will be like ten years from now if you never set any new goals. Find all the negatives and really focus on them. Make yourself sick to your stomach. Then visualize what your life will be like 10 years into the future when you break through what is stopping you and you start achieving. Feel the energy and excitement.
Once you have done each of these techniques, pick up the pen and just start writing. Answer these two questions:
How would you rate your level of satisfaction (on a scale from 1-10) in the area of physical health? What would have to happen for it to be a 10? Whatever you wrote down will be a new goal. Now ask the same two questions for mindset, spirituality, family, primary relationship, business, personal finances, contributions, social life, and recreational activities. When you are done, you will have a great list of goals.
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Hi Matthew. Excellent points. What you call the Drunk Monkey I refer to as Gremlins — those loud voices we hear in our heads that energetically resist change. A third option for dealing with Gremlins is a meet and greet strategy. When the Gremlins pop up and make you freeze pause for a moment to greet them. Acknowledge the Gremlins for working so hard to do their job and trying to keep you safe. After thanking the Gremlins tell them firmly that their help isn’t needed this time. And then lay the Gremlins at the side of the road and move on. Knowing how the Gremlin works, and how to handle them when they appear, can be a great help avoiding or minimizing that freeze so you can express goals after all.