One of my clients wrote, “I have a problem with this man that was going to pay me $200. Now he wants to buy product for me instead of giving me the money. I know this is not a person I should be doing business anymore because he does not keep his word. I know the amount is small. What I feel angry about is that he told me I would get this money and now he wants to do what he wants with it and not give me the cash. Part of me wants to put a complaint in the company to let them know how unethical he is and at the same time… I don’t want to regret this. Not just for this at this moment, I know I need to not drag crap and let it run my life like living rent free in my head.”
The anger you feel is like drinking your own poison. The man is just doing what he’s doing and then you are allowing your broken expectations to pull you into negativity. Negativity is the resistance you have to how life actually is.
Anger Degrades You, Not Them
Anger, hate, frustration and annoyance are signs that your body believes danger is present. You must learn to take a few deep breaths and remind The Drunk Monkey in your head that situations like the one mentioned above are not actually dangerous and therefore they do not warrant filling your body full of fight and flight chemicals. Negative feelings do not allow you to think or respond powerfully.
For my friend above, the action step is simple but not easy. With out any anger or attachment to the outcome you must clearly communicate what you want i.e. “Giving me product instead of the cash does not work for me and is a breach of our agreement. By when can I expect to be paid the cash that is owed me.”
Now it’s in God/Universe/Source hands. Let it go and allow new good things into your life. Or the focus on what you don’t have will stop the flow of the new stuff you want.
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4 Comments
Matt,
I agree whole heartedly that anger only gets in the way of thinking clearly. Clarity is everything in this type of situation! I love your response pattern, allows you to let go.
On the revenge side … I see no need for revenge here, but there is a time and place for everything!
Have a POWERFUL day!
Kevin
Our idea of a collection letter
is, that it is, brief, friendly, and, most of all successful
Our records indicate, the sum of $200.00 is due to us
in cash, as per, your ‘good promise’ to repay
which was definitely present, at ‘the time’ of ‘your borrowing’
We anticpate your co-operation in handling,
the transference of $200.00 to us, in cash,
since, your integrity is The highest eXpression of your truth
and, we know, in your ‘original promise’
that was present
This letter is brief, friendly,
and, its success depends on you !!!
love/susan
or…
This letter is brief, friendly,
and, its success depends on you !!!
Just slide/or slip $200.00 across the scales of justice NOW !!! lol
We thank you in advance,
getting into ‘your integrity’
and, ‘dealing’ with this, NOW !!!
love/susan
Anger is so toxic!
Yet, it is an important message system.
It tells us what is uber important to us… sometimes it reveals our passion.
So, recognizing the anger, processing the anger is good… and must be done to release and understand.
Revenge… boy, I’ve certainly had my moments.
I used to be very good at devising all sorts of ways to “get even” with my wrong doers.
But, being in that space… creating that space, only keeps my anger and negativity alive and within me. It disables my ability to *learn* from the experience and ultimately to get to that message my anger was wanting me to hear.
I like your suggestion for your client to feel this out and then communicate what we wants/needs. Sounds like a wonderful learning experience for your client. And, sounds like you’re a wonderful coach.
Thank you for your inspiration,
Susan