If Not Now, When?

istock_000000294109mediumWhat are you waiting for?  What is your someday?

Someday when my kids grow up, then I will…

Someday when I own my own business, then I will…

Someday when I have a million dollars, then I will…

Someday when I lose weight, then I will…

And until that someday arrives?  What?  You will have a “just okay” kinda life?

I say blow off someday and start living the life of your dreams now.  The life of your dreams is not a destination or a circumstance.  The life of your dreams is the feeling you think the circumstance will bring you.  You can absolutely have that feeling now with or without the circumstances.

Your feelings and your circumstances are not related.  Knowing how to see The Drunk Monkey for what it really is, that’s the key.

The Misery of “This Shouldn’t Be!”

Businessman shouting at his mobile phoneNothing should be.  That’s just The Drunk Monkey making your life miserable.  Have you ever noticed that The Drunk Monkey can create hypothetical situations to argue any point… including things you know nothing about?  Pay attention to how The Drunk Monkey tells you that “Life should not be the way that it is!”  As if The Drunk Monkey is the all knowing, all seeing omnipotent being in the universe.  You are not a psychic.  You can’t tell the future.  You don’t know how things are supposed to be.

CAN YOU BE WITH HOW LIFE ACTUALLY IS?

…and then you die!

Nervous WreckIt’s hard to be happy when you forget that your life is temporary, transient and basically meaningless.  Profound happiness can not be achieved by speculating about the future or contemplating the past.  Yet The Drunk Monkey spends endless time on the past and future.

Your life you will go up, down, all around and then you die.  When you die the people in your life will throw dirt on your face and have a party.  In 100 years, it’s likely your life will be completely forgotten and irrelevant.

“Seriousness is a disease of the ego.”

That’s what my mentor, Stewart Wilde, told me in my 20’s.  I didn’t understand what he meant until my late 30’s.  I was so rapped up in succeeding, getting ahead and showing the world that I am valuable.  Sometimes it worked, other times it didn’t.  My emotions were yanked from positive to negative based on the external events.  My experience of life was messed up by my expectations.

Today I see my clients making their lives miserable by judging and comparing this moment to the elusive “Should Be”.  By focusing on what should have been or what might be they make themselves miserable.  It took me a long time to realize that breakdowns lead to breakthroughs and therefore worrying about it is irrelevant.  To worry, stress and freak out messes with the point of this life.  The Now.  That is where the profound sense of happiness and fulfillment lies.

No matter how much you try, you will die.  Life is not serious or important.  To believe that this life is important leads to all sorts of negative experiences.  Rest assured, life will contradict your opinion and if you think it should be other then it is… you will be unhappy.  Life is doing what ever it is doing regardless of your opinion.  Let it go and enjoy today, okay?

3 Steps to the present moment

As an Inspired Action life coach, I’m constantly working with my big players to get into this moment.  In the moment there is nothing to fear.  There is no negativity in the present moment.  So they always ask, “How do you get into the present moment?”  The practice is one of letting go and focusing.

1. Let go of the future.

The future is not real.  There is no future coming.  The Drunk Monkey obsesses over the future because that’s its job.  In order to keep you safe and alive longer it tries to anticipate what is coming.  No peace, no love, no fulfillment lives in the future.  When The Drunk Monkey is obsessing over it.  Just thank the monkey for trying to keep you safe and go to step three.

2. Let go of the past.

The past does not exist.  The past is just your opinion.  Every time you see life from a new perspective The Drunk Monkey rewrites your past.  Contrary to The Drunk Monkey’s opinion, the past is unreliable and not useful.  When you notice the monkey obsessing over the past, thank the monkey for worrying and go to step three.

3. Appreciate everything about now.

Focus on the beauty all around you.  Notice how interesting people are.  Appreciate the smallest details.  Marvel at how things work.  Take deep breaths and smell the strange, interesting and pleasant smells around you.  Judge nothing.  Just observe with a childish wonder.  Try it today and notice what happens.

Happiness and peace only reside in this moment.

Reliability is the Source of Opportunity

As a life coach, part of my job is to help you make promises that will create the life of your dreams.  The problem is, most people don’t know how to make and keep promises.  Most people make a promise, don’t keep it and then come up with a good excuse as to why it didn’t happen.  They believe as long as there is a good excuse it’s almost like they kept it.

Most of my clients are very very successful people in life.  The problem super successful people have is the fact that they can convince people to not hold them accountable.

When you don’t fess up to your broken promises, you begin to degrade your credibility.  This thwarts future opportunities.  My job as a coach is to help you get real.  So what promises have you made and broken and then not owned up?  Make a list today and then use the five step process to get it cleaned up and restore your credibility.  The more people who trust you and believe in you, the more opportunities come your way.

Does an Obsession for Success Kill the Passion for Life?

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I’m sitting here on a plane ride back from Seattle where I spent the day thinking about who I am and why I was born, facilitated by my wonderful friends at www.designduoinc.com and www.brillianceenterprises.com.

I just finished the movie Lost In Translation and I was awe struck by the artistry and tasteful story telling.

Today I was groovin’ to tunes by James Morrison, Kiss, Rascal Flats and even a couple of my own tunes by Vertigo Deluxe. Several times I was moved, elated, bouncing and feeling so happy being right here, right now.

In the last month I read all four Twilight books and I was so blown away by how it made me feel.

I’m sitting here thinking. Where have I been?  What have I been doing?  What have I been waiting for?

When was I going to start appreciating art, beauty and artistry again?  After I achieved what?  What does achieving have to do with appreciation?

I remember being a teenager and I was moved, touched, inspired, sparked, enraged and validated by song, art, film and theater. I would get enraptured by sporting events rooting for the underdog!!

Where did that go?  I’ve been so busy creating a life that someday I can enjoy, I’ve completely ignored my natural appreciation. Why has my hunt for success, fortune and fame been so all consuming?

Today I just got present to how The Drunk Monkey has owned me for the last 20 years as I chased the elusive destination called success. Now I’m here and I can’t believe I wasted so much time on it.

I didn’t need to live in a multi-million dollar house, burn through luxury cars or have 20 pairs of pimp shoes. I could have been appreciating, digging, grooving, dancing, singing, cheering on the underdog, and moved to tears the entire time. No stuff is required to feel and experience.

As I wipe the tears from my eyes, I realize that I’m happy that I went for the elusive prize for you.

I’m grateful that my heartache can be a marker, a beacon for you. So I can share with you my journey and tell you its not worth obsessing over the destination called success. No matter how much I achieve I still haven’t proved to the elusive “them” that I’m good enough or a part of the group or worthwhile or even of value.

The rules I was taught don’t apply. The promises that I was sold on didn’t get fulfilled. So I am going out on my own and making up my own rules.

Live now!  Appreciate now!  Listen to more music, roll on the ground with your kids, forgive your parents, smell the roses, stare at sunsets.

I know it sounds like sappy self help bulls*** but no matter how much stuff you have it doesn’t change your ability to appreciate.  And achieving success will not change your experience and appreciation.

I dare you to stop and appreciate everything you come across today and see what happens.

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