As a life coach, I am confronted with this question on a daily basis, “How can I feel more happiness and peace in my life now?” The answer is simple but most people don’t like the answer. “Grow up!” Now I’m not trying to be sarcastic or condescending, hear me out on this one. Most people are still utilizing behaviors they learned in kindergarten and on the play ground as their tools for success. And guess what? It ain’t workin’.
Your so called “Inner Child” isn’t so inner after all. In fact, it’s quite outer. One of the most important steps towards happiness and peace is giving up the behaviors you adopted as a child in favor of more conscious, responsible and adult solutions.
Here are 19 ways your inner child messes up your life and ensures you don’t experience happiness and peace. I’ve listed them in a couple of blogs.
1. Self-pity. Why me? I’m a victim. If life was different, then I would be able to be happy!
2. Jealousy. Being attached to people will make your life miserable. People will do what ever they do and all you can do is manage your promises, commitments and attitude towards them. Managing their behavior will only annoy you.
3. Envy. The Drunk Monkey (your mind) declares, “Now is wrong. It will be better when you have that stuff over there.” You will never arrive. You will never have it all. We coach people who make hundreds of millions of dollars and they still believe that someday it will all be better when they have more stuff.
4. Competitiveness. No one is competing with you. Everyone is trying to get ahead in a world were all the measurements are figments of your imagination. To compete is to say that there is a way you can be a loser. You never lose, you just learn.
5. Temper tantrums. Manipulating people with your anger is something all children learn to do early on. To continue to use it into adulthood is a guaranteed way to create suffering for you and others. Most people will opt to not deal with you. Your life will be small. You may succeed but your life will be small as in shallow.
6. Emotional Outbursts. Same thing as above. If you use this as your way of getting what you want, then you will have a life filled with conflict, struggle, anger and doubt. You will feel lonely your whole life and not really know why.
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3 Comments
Matthew, Love your thoughts. It’s so true and seems so simple yet it’s probably the most difficult behaviors to cange. i truly appreciate your insight and your message. Have a beautiful holiday with your family.
Hello Matthew,
you are so right I just laughed the other day someone told me to grow up and I was offended and then realize I’m using the same behavior I used as a child when someone upsets me. As a child I used to be verbally attacked by my brother and I learned to fight back verbally. Then we would makeup hug, cry and say we are sorry. Now as an adult I can look at myself quicker and so if their was away I could’ve prevent that moment from happening. I write about how I use my childhood games I learned in my adult relationships. You hit it on the button.
thank you Raquel
Hi Matthew,
Okay….did you write this about me? Hee hee Seriously, what is so amazing to me is that I know I am acting out and I still do it any way. Self control is more difficult than it sounds. I can relate to Raquel’s comment. Back me into a corner and I will come out swinging every time.
Thank you for helping me be more aware of what I am doing. I will make a point to send my inner (outer) child to the playground.
Sabrina