19 ways your inner child messes up your life (part 1)

As a life coach, I am confronted with this question on a daily basis, “How can I feel more happiness and peace in my life now?”  The answer is simple but most people don’t like the answer.  “Grow up!”  Now I’m not trying to be sarcastic or condescending, hear me out on this one.  Most people are still utilizing behaviors they learned in kindergarten and on the play ground as their tools for success.  And guess what?  It ain’t workin’.

Your so called “Inner Child” isn’t so inner after all.  In fact, it’s quite outer.  One of the most important steps towards happiness and peace is giving up the behaviors you adopted as a child in favor of more conscious, responsible and adult solutions.

Here are 19 ways your inner child messes up your life and ensures you don’t experience happiness and peace. I’ve listed them in a couple of blogs.

1.  Self-pity.  Why me?  I’m a victim.  If life was different, then I would be able to be happy!

2.  Jealousy. Being attached to people will make your life miserable.  People will do what ever they do and all you can do is manage your promises, commitments and attitude towards them.  Managing their behavior will only annoy you.

3.  Envy. The Drunk Monkey (your mind) declares, “Now is wrong.  It will be better when you have that stuff over there.”  You will never arrive.  You will never have it all.  We coach people who make hundreds of millions of dollars and they still believe that someday it will all be better when they have more stuff.

4.  Competitiveness. No one is competing with you.  Everyone is trying to get ahead in a world were all the measurements are figments of your imagination.  To compete is to say that there is a way you can be a loser.  You never lose, you just learn.

5.  Temper tantrums. Manipulating people with your anger is something all children learn to do early on.  To continue to use it into adulthood is a guaranteed way to create suffering for you and others.  Most people will opt to not deal with you.  Your life will be small.  You may succeed but your life will be small as in shallow.

6.  Emotional Outbursts. Same thing as above.  If you use this as your way of getting what you want, then you will have a life filled with conflict, struggle, anger and doubt.  You will feel lonely your whole life and not really know why.

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The Nightmare of Coaching

I just got off the phone with a friend who is an executive coach.  He was interested in coming to work as an Inspired Action Coach.  When I asked him why he wanted to do life coaching verses executive coaching, his answer shocked me and make me feel great simultaneously.  Here was his response.

“When I am working with these executives there are certain boundaries I cannot cross.  I need to keep the conversation focused on the business but you and I both know it’s not the business.” He goes on to say, “I’m coaching this executive and the guy is a real A-Hole with his people.”  This is friend-to-friend code for the idea that he’s not a very effective communicator and he doesn’t really give a rat’s ass that he pisses off his people.

I say, “Why not dive into his fundamental misperception and find out when he developed this fear that has him react negatively towards people?”  His response is the nightmare of most coaching programs.

“Confronting him on his stinky behavior would be crossing the line and I don’t have permission to do that from him or from the company I work for.”  He says with a frown in his voice.  “That’s why I want to come work for you!  I know with certainty that I can help him see these negative behaviors in a way that he would instantly give them up in favor of a more effective style.”

And my friend, that’s exactly what we do in the Inspired Action Coaching.  We (me and the coaches) are like negative behavior Sumo Wrestlers!  If we sniff out a negative behavior that is holding you back we ruthlessly attack and do what ever it takes to get you to release it in favor of something positive.  We’re here to support you when you are ready to let go of what is stopping you.

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Doubled his income working 4 hours a day – Wow!!!

One of my Wall Street clients is totally on fire.  Which is a bit of a shocker given the current financial crisis the world is in.

Last year he got fired by one of the biggest firms on the street and it’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to him.  This year he has spent the entire year working on himself.  Clearing up past resentments.  Getting clear on his priorities.  Connecting to his true purpose in life.  Loving his children more.  Spending time getting in shape.

The Result?

He has doubled his income over last year (which was already a mid 7 figure income).  The best part is he has doubled his income only working 4 hours a day, 4 days a week.

Conclusion:  When you work on yourself, when you clear out old resentments, when you get clear about who you are and why you were born, your productivity increases exponentially.  One action suddenly yields 10 results.  Your results are multiplied.

I see it happen everyday with our clients and I feel so blessed to be helping people love their lives and be successful.  What a great life!

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When the economy shrinks, demand increases (for some people)

I’m working with 73 Realtors in a six-month coaching program right now.  Their businesses are growing in a wild and exponential fashion.  Why?

When the economy shrinks, demand increases.  Most people can’t believe that is true.  And that perspective is the trigger that makes it true.  The number of people who are emotionally shutdown far outweighs the decrease in business.

If there were 10 deals a day before, and there has been a 40% reduction in the market place, then there are only 6 deals a day being done.  Here’s the good news!  If there were 10 agents to get the business before, there are only 3 there to get it now because of the emotional breakdown that agents are in.  There is twice the opportunity available to those who keep their head in the game.

Bad economy means more opportunity!  Which group are you going to be in?

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Fear blocks Joy

Joy is your natural state.  Joy is how you feel when you have no resistance to anything or anyone.

Fear is a biological response that is generally a hallucination you are having about the past or the future.

Notice how infrequently you experience joy and how often you are “concerned” with time, getting things done, who’s doing what and when, etc.  These are all fears that the future is not going to be what you want it to be.  Notice The Drunk Monkey in Action today.

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Dealing with Fear

Fear is good.  It’s been our saving grace as a species.  Thank God for Fear!!  Without it, you would walk into traffic and get run over by a car and do all sorts of dangerous things.

Dangerous.  Hmm?  Is your job dangerous?  Is your spouse dangerous?  Are you children dangerous?  No No No!  Yet, there are times when each of us experiences anger, doubt, frustration and upset in the above three examples.  Fear responses in non-dangerous situations.

Fear is good in relationship to survival.  The problem is, you are not in survival situations very often.  Relationships, jobs, hobbies, political debates, opinions about economic options and where to hang the holiday decorations are not dangerous in any way.  Yet, how often do these situations spike your adrenaline and get you into a fight or flight mode?

Dealing with fear is a matter of awareness.  Recognizing that your mind, the talking in your head, what I lovingly call The Drunk Monkey, is designed to keep you safe.  Its job is to identify potentially dangerous situations and people and then either fix, split or kill.

Today just notice how your mind is not your friend.  It’s not your buddy.  It’s not on your side.  It’s a function.  It’s a machine.  Notice the machine and see what happens to your fear.

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