Join me *Free* for Million Dollar Sales Mindset

Dated: date November 17, 2008 – 1:47 pm

Heads up.  I’m doing another powerful free webinar called Million Dollar Sales Mindset.  I’m giving away $40 in bonuses just for registering.  Register Here.  Below is a video describing what I’m up to.

Million Dollar Sales Mindset <= Video on youtube

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6 Questions to create relationship ecstasy (Date Night Questions)

Dated: date November 14, 2008 – 11:12 am

Life coaching takes many shapes.  One of them is often supporting an ultra successful person in creating relationship harmony.  So many successful people live like “Some day when I have all the money and glory, then I’ll spend time doing what I want and being connected to my lover/partner”  But lovers, partners, spouses don’t often wait.  Plus the pain of being in a unsatisfactory relationship messes with your productivity and drags everything down.

After personally screwing up my first marriage, I decided to make sure I was prepared to make the new one work.  Here is one of the 30+ tools I’ve devised to create relationship ecstasy (ecstasy is defined as intense joy).

Who is your partner?

Remember when you were first dating?  You wanted to know all about your love interest.  What happened?  After a while we hallucinate that we know all we need to know.  Big mistake.  Your partner is evolving and growing.  The Date Night questions help to find out who your partner is today!  Believe me they change all the time and if you don’t stay up to date, you will suffer.  The Drunk Monkey (your mind) will continue to hold them accountable being who you know them as.  Therefore if they evolve, The Drunk Monkey gets threatened by their new behavior.

Date Night Questions:

1.  Is there anything you are upset about?  Are you mad at me?  Are you making me wrong for anything?  I give you three questions so you can use the one that works in your relationship.  My wife and I use, “What are you making me wrong for?”

Little resentments build and build and next thing you know you are splitting up.  The key is to deal with and resolve issues while they are fresh and small.  The longer you go, the bigger the upset gets.

2.  What have you been trying to tell me that I haven’t been letting you say?  It will shock you how much your partner has to say in a week.  Communication is the foundation of relationship.

3.  Do you have any needs that are not being met?  This gives you and your partner a chance to reflect upon everything they want from you.  When you and your partner actively seek to fulfill each others needs the relationship is absolute ecstasy.

4.  What would you like to be acknowledged for?  You and your lover are two individuals living their own lives together.  I know for me, there are so many things I am proud of that my wife never sees and vice versa.  This gives us an opportunity to be acknowledged for anything we are proud of.

5.  What are you happy about?  Claudine and I often have a little contest to see who can think of more things we are happy about.  Remember The Drunk Monkey (your mind) is only concerned with safety and therefore focuses on what’s wrong.  You get what you focus on.

6.  What are you committed to in our relationship this week?  Let’s be honest.  Most people have never actively made a promise like this.  It might take you a couple weeks of discussing this to get the hang of it but when you start operating consistent with your commitments to each other, the ecstasy will get all-encompassing.

I look forward to hearing about your experiences.

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Are you choosing to be unproductive or is it the circumstances?

Dated: date November 13, 2008 – 10:20 am

So many people I run into feel stuck lately.

In other words they experience negativity.  This negativity impedes their productivity and slows down their progress.

Consider this perspective:  If you are having a negative experience, then you are choosing to be unproductive and you are stopping your life from moving forward powerfully.

I say that because my definition of negativity is the resistance you have to how life actually is. To put it bluntly, negativity is a choice. Life is just doing its thing with no regard for you and your opinion.  It’s not personal.  Life is not after you.  Life is just lifing along.

Yet your opinion is the key to being effective and powerful in your life. Your opinion about “how life is” determines if you experience positive or negative feeling in relationship to life.

When you take action with positive feelings in the background, you are more resourceful and effective. Take action with negative feeling and everything is more difficult.

The most productive thing you can do is feel joy!!  That’s not easy since your biology is designed to feel fear and negative feelings.  Let me give you a little support.

Check out my free 15 day e-course designed to get you back to inspiration and joy.  www.15strategies.com

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Your attitude today is a function of the future you create

Dated: date November 11, 2008 – 10:08 am

I just got off the phone with a very powerful executive who’s in charge of billions.  Several weeks ago he admitted that he was spending most of his day being angry about a certification that he had signed up to receive.  The certification was important.  It will give him even more credibility in his industry but he was pissed off every time he studied.

“I’m resisting it.  I signed up for it.  I don’t have to do it and I hate every minute of it.” he told me.

My thought process on this is simple:  What is the future you are trying to avoid?  Because if you feel bad about it today, The Drunk Monkey (your mind) is spending time fantasizing about a negative future.

He replied, “I am afraid I will take this test and not pass it.  Then I will have wasted a lot of my time for nothing.  Plus I will feel like a failure.  Plus I hate this subject and I don’t even know why I decided to get this certification” and on and on he went.

“Is that what you are committed to?” I asked him.  Of course his answer was no.

“What is the best possible outcome?” I asked him.  He told me a glorious story of victory and recognition.

The Life Coaching process is often just helping the client see the same thing in a more empowering context.  He got it and it changed everything.

When I spoke with him today, he was on fire.  “I’m studying, I’m doing what it takes and it feels great!  I know I’m going to pass.  I’m doing it because I said I would do it and I know how to do hard things.  I’m not going to let my monkey mind run the show!” he said to me today.

He went on to say, “It’s bizarre!  All I did was change my point of view.  A few weeks ago I would spend all day lamenting the fact that I had to go home and study for this test.  When I would get home I would spend several hours avoiding it.  When I finally went into my home office to study, I felt like a prisoner.  Today I am enjoying the process.”

Your attitude today is a function of the future you are present to.

Is there anything you are lamenting or feeling upset about?  What is the future you are allowing The Drunk Monkey (your mind) to avoid?  What is the future you are truly committed to?

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Soul Mate – Stop making promises that make you look good

Dated: date November 10, 2008 – 1:13 pm

This is a continuation of the post “I’ve got a soul mate attraction list, now what?”

I asked my client to make a list of what he wants his soul mate to expect from him.  He did it.  The list was two pages long.  Here was my response:

As I look at your list, I feel like you are over-promising and might be trying to look good rather then be authentic about what someone should expect from you.

I believe that this will lead to broken expectations which will get you in hot water and guarantee the relationship suffers.  Not that you don’t want to be all that you have said… but I would be willing to bet that many of the things you put on your list are fantasies about what you “should be” if you were “good enough”.  Reconsider the list and eliminate anything that fits in the realm of “If I’m going to be a good mate, then I should be like that!”

Making promises to look good creates a life experience of powerlessness and domination.  You will actually start hating the life that you are living and you will blame the world.  The fact of the matter is your world is your creation.  You created it by defining the expectations of others.  What people expect of you, is what you have asked them to expect of you either deliberately or not.  Most of the time it’s not deliberate.

Because you have never been in life coaching before, you have never taken the time to consider what expectation you have created.  Therefore you life feels like an outside force you have to “deal with” verses a set of promises you made that you are now resisting.

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“Everything is wonderful” = manipulation

Dated: date November 6, 2008 – 1:00 pm

When you begin the life coaching process with one of my coaches, you will spend the first 90 days clearing any miss-perceptions you have about the world.  Over the past 16 years I have found that creating a new context is one of the most transformational tools I can use.

One of our clients is wonderful.  “I have nothing that needs to be cleaned up.  My childhood was great.  My parents were great!  I’ve always been positive.  I live a very blessed life.” She is constantly telling me this.

When I hear these words from a person who has signed a one-year life coaching agreement because she’s unhappy with the results she’s getting in her life, I am more then suspicious.

Every time I tried to assist her in seeing something she misperceived in the past, she stonewalled me with her “Everything is wonderful” routine.  So rather then look at the source of her misperceptions, I asked her to look at what doesn’t work about her life today.  The first person she pointed to was her upper management.  “The guy is wonderful, but I don’t like his style” she tells me.

Needless to say, 30 minutes later we are on to something.  She begins to see that somewhere along the line in her life she stopped trusting that people had her best interest in mind.  She started distancing herself.  Her distance was created by a shield she put up called “Everything is wonderful” with a huge warm smile.

But everything is not wonderful.  She doesn’t trust people and that will really screw up your life and your ability to create results.  All power is in relationship to other people.  You get what you put out.  So if you don’t trust people, they won’t trust you.  If people don’t trust you, you have no power.  If you have no power, you will always feel stuck and powerless.

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