As a life coach, I’m constantly supporting my clients in having more conscious relationships. The biggest problem I see is the question “Who’s wrong?”

The question of “Who’s wrong?” gets in the way of harmony, happiness and peace in the relationship. Ultimately, right and wrong are just opinions. What you think is right, someone else will think is wrong and vice versa. The Drunk Monkey (your mind) is constantly looking out for what’s wrong and then avoiding it or killing it off. This leads to much anger and frustration.

Here is the secret to removing anger and frustration in your relationship. Your partner/spouse/lover (I’ll use partner from now on) isn’t anything until you show up. They aren’t mean, stupid, arrogant, self-centered or any other word you can think of until you enter the environment.

I’ve got a client (who shall remain nameless) who believed her husband was totally self-centered. I told her he was only self-centered when she was around and to start making a list of at least 10 non self-centered things he does every day. Remarkably he shifted before her eyes!

She sent me an email, “How did you know my husband wasn’t a dead beat?” My reply was simple, “I don’t know anything about your husband, I just know that when you are focused on thinking someone is a dead beat that’s how they show up. And when you focus on what you like about them, that’s what shows up.”

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