Dated:
June 18, 2008 – 1:10 pm
The Drunk Monkey, your mind, is committed to keeping you alive. Therefore, it spends time proving its’ conclusions. All of your conclusions about life, your opinions about how life is, are just observations filtered through all of your other observations. Which means, our opinions are very skewed and off-base.
Let’s say your partner, lover, or significant other does something that contradicts your opinion. In your family you never yell at people. In your partner’s family they yell and scream when they feel anger. This yelling and screaming contradicts your opinion about how things “should” be. The Drunk Monkey deems it a threat and next thing you know you are operating like your partner is bad and wrong!
From that point on, this perception becomes self-reinforcing. Any time your partner reacts in a way that contradicts your opinion, The Drunk Monkey says “See! I told you he/she is wrong!”
Today, just notice how you say you love this person in your life, yet you have a laundry list of things that are wrong about them. That what you really are thinking is that if your partner were to be perfect, they would do everything the way you deem right.
Popularity: 4% [?]
Dated:
June 15, 2008 – 5:43 pm
As a life coach, I’m constantly supporting my clients in having more conscious relationships. The biggest problem I see is the question “Who’s wrong?”
The question of “Who’s wrong?” gets in the way of harmony, happiness and peace in the relationship. Ultimately, right and wrong are just opinions. What you think is right, someone else will think is wrong and vice versa. The Drunk Monkey (your mind) is constantly looking out for what’s wrong and then avoiding it or killing it off. This leads to much anger and frustration.
Here is the secret to removing anger and frustration in your relationship. Your partner/spouse/lover (I’ll use partner from now on) isn’t anything until you show up. They aren’t mean, stupid, arrogant, self-centered or any other word you can think of until you enter the environment.
I’ve got a client (who shall remain nameless) who believed her husband was totally self-centered. I told her he was only self-centered when she was around and to start making a list of at least 10 non self-centered things he does every day. Remarkably he shifted before her eyes!
She sent me an email, “How did you know my husband wasn’t a dead beat?” My reply was simple, “I don’t know anything about your husband, I just know that when you are focused on thinking someone is a dead beat that’s how they show up. And when you focus on what you like about them, that’s what shows up.”
Popularity: 7% [?]
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