- You set goals.
- You achieve some of them (you hardly acknowledge it).
- You don’t achieve others (you beat yourself up…).
- Then, you set the same goal (or some version of it) again.
Let’s do this.
Your words have enormous power.
They are one of the most effective tools you have to get things done (or not), build relationships (or not), and get business done (or not).
What you say matters.
I bust my new coaching clients on what they are speaking about (also called describing) things all the time.
The typical response is “Matthew, I am just telling you the truth!”
And, that’s where the fun for me as a coach really begins.
Most people have convinced themselves that how they see the world is correct. They arrogantly believe that their interpretation of things is the ‘right’ way… or how things ‘really are.’
That’s a lie.
Here’s how you know:
I am betting if you really listen, you will hear a description that would have NEVER occurred to you.
They use more or less detail than you.
They saw and heard things in the movie that you completely missed.
The truth is your way of describing the main character of a movie is the same AND different than others. Yes, some details are exact… but other details, interpretations and points of view are different.
And since we all see the world in a slightly different way, we are all experiencing life for our own unique perspective.
The thing is, you don’t realize this phenomenon – viewing the world through our own interpretation of the facts – is happening all the time, everywhere.
And, here’s what is even crazier: YOU MADE IT UP.
Your description of the main character is invented, and so is your kid’s, your spouse’s and your friend’s.
How you speak about what you see, learn and observe it 100% invented.
By you. And them.
It’s made up.
Now, before you start defending your interpretations as right, I want you to stop.
Stop, and think about how powerful this makes you.
Your words literally create your reality.
It’s an awesome power that you either don’t know you have, aren’t willing to admit you have, or you don’t take seriously.
Those are mistakes can be corrected – if you know how.
Here’s all I want you to get out of this email: I just want you to understand that your words… the way you describe things… is creating your reality.
Once you start to take 100% responsibility for the way you speak, the more you will begin to use your words as a power tool to create the life you want.
For now, just sit with the idea that you have the power to speak about something in a different way.
You can call good, bad. Tragic, a blessing. A missed opportunity your greatest gift.
In the coming days and weeks, I am going to tell you more about HOW you can learn the skill (yes, it is a skill) of using your language to your advantage, and drastically reduce the amount of time it takes for you to accomplish, achieve and experience the things that mean the most to you.
I am working on a never-before-offered opportunity that, if you are ready, will transform the way you interpret the things around you.
It’s very powerful stuff… Designed to show you exactly how powerful you really are.
More to come…
Everyone says that happiness is a choice. I’m not so sure. I’ve personally coached more than 8,000 people to achieve greater happiness and success in their lives and many were blocked. “Just choose happiness,” wasn’t a coaching tactic they could implement. No matter how much discipline my clients’ implemented, choosing happiness seemed impossible.
Over the last 20+ years I realized that happiness is not a choice, happiness is a skill. You have to practice being happy. Dan Gilbert’s iPhone Study, showed us that the mind automatically wanders to thoughts that make us feel bad. In other words, the mind defaults to what is traditionally deemed as, “Negative.”
When you’re unhappy, it’s a reaction. See, happiness is not a choice. It’s a conditioned response. Unhappiness is not a choice. It’s a conditioned response. Your emotions are a reaction to what you perceive in the environment.
The most important skill you can implement to create greater happiness is catching the mind reacting. You must question your reactions. When you watch the news and you see that some stranger has been hit by a car, notice your reaction. What exactly are you reacting to? Is this an appropriate response? Does it feel good? Are you happy right now? Do you want to be happy right now?
When you find yourself in a negative situation in your life. Start asking yourself more effective questions. How am I creating this. What good can come of this situation? What would be a more effective response? What do I want? How can I get back to happiness again?
The mind wants to assign blame. The mind will make situations about you and make you feel ashamed. These are all just conditioned responses. In the end blame won’t solve anything and shame is an ineffective response to the situation. When you feel good, life just works.
Developing intuitive listening skills gives you an extreme advantage in life. Imagine knowing what other people are thinking or feeling during a business negotiation, or what your kids are thinking or feeling. How much more power would you have? How much faster could you get things done?
You’ve experienced “telepathic” listening skills before. You’ve had moments during conversations when you felt so connected to the other person that you could sense what they were thinking or feeling.
This is your natural state. When you feel peaceful, calm, and uncluttered, you listen with more intensity and more zest for the conversation. It’s very apparent when someone is listening without distraction. When people feel heard, they engage you in conversation with more excitement and interest. When you are listening in this way, they want to be in your presence. Your attention is attractive.
Why don’t we connect with people in this way more often? Why is meaningful interaction so rare? One word: Survival! As you observe your own interaction with others, you start to see that you resist people. You resist the way they talk, move, act, and also their opinions and their ideas. It’s automatic. We all do it.
Ever notice the people you feel most connected to are just like you? That’s survival behavior. Your mind naturally gravitates toward people who have similar and predictable behavior. Predictable is safe.
What does this have to do with developing intuitive listening skills? Being in a calm and peaceful state is the prerequisite. Being calm and peaceful is not possible when your your mind is paranoid and “on alert.”
Here are three powerful strategies from my book “Creating Sales Velocity: Awaken Your Power To Attract Sales Effortlessly” (Spirit Publishing) that begin to open up the possibility of telepathic listening.
1. Give up righteousness. Righteousness is a judgmental and protective state and is easily sensed in conversation. To start letting go of your natural righteous mind chatter, ponder this: There are six billion people on this planet. Every single person has a completely different perspective. Every person has billions of experiences. Experience shapes our opinions, judgments, ideals, preferences, and ultimately our view of life. Every one of these experiences helps us to make new decisions about the world, our desires, and the meaning of life itself. In other words, no one lives in the same world as you. In fact, there are currently six billion worlds on the planet. Read that again and fully digest the meaning.
Each person has a personal experience of reality. Reflecting on this enables you to let go of your judgments in conversation. Start to notice that people are simply doing the best they can based on how they are perceiving the situation. People are getting on with their lives, pursuing their desires, and it has nothing to do with you. Give up the notion that other people’s moods, upsets, actions, behavior, beliefs, and judgments of the world have something to do with you. This frees up your mind to observe the subtle non-verbal cues indicative of “telepathic” listening.
2. Remind yourself daily that resistance is not natural in communication. People resist you when you resist them. When you resist their true nature and want them to be different, they can sense it, and you inevitably express it. But you don’t have to speak for people to sense your resistance. Your energetic body extends far beyond your physical body and your clients feel your resistance to them long before you open your mouth.
Your resistance triggers their defense mechanism. Something deep down inside of them fires off the warning signal and the wall goes up. You know this feeling. You can walk into a room and know who is safe to talk to and who is not.
Intuitive listening is about connecting with people, and you’ll never feel connected to people unless you can be yourself. You’ll never feel totally free to be yourself when you don’t feel accepted. You’ll never feel accepted until you learn to accept others first.
To feel free in conversation, you must give others the freedom to be themselves. As you begin to honor people exactly the way they are and the way they are not, their resistance melts and you feel calm. This is the state of mind necessary for developing intuitive listening skills.
3. Align yourself with their body. When you align your body, your mind will follow. If you want to truly know a person and understand them, then you must learn to entrain your physical energy with their energy. Move your attention off of yourself and on to others. Thinking of yourself clutters your mind and makes intuitive listening impossible.
Practice physical entrainment today. Stand the way people stand, sit the way they sit, and move the way they move. Put your body in the same physical position. Feel yourself tapping into their physical energy. Encourage your mind to appreciate how they are sitting, standing, leaning, or moving. If they look like they are moving to avoid discomfort, feel the same discomfort and position yourself to avoid it as well. Truly acknowledge the perfection of how their body is moving. Become totally fascinated with the person you are connecting with. Tap into the subtle messages they are sending to you.
Important: Always give yourself time to fully appreciate a person’s body position before adopting the same position yourself. Spend 15 to 30 seconds really acknowledging the perfection of their body position. When you have fully appreciated and accepted it, move your body to the same position. You’ll immediately notice a surge of energy between the two of you. You’ll begin to perceive a flood of intuitive information.
Move your upper body the way that they move their upper body. Adopting the way they are nodding their head, changing their facial expression, shrugging their shoulders, and gesturing will trigger your body in the same way they are being triggered. This type of entrainment of physical energy causes you to send and receive the same energetic messages they are sending to themselves with their movement, further intensifying your telepathy.
Remember that gesturing is a natural part of the conversational dance. Hand gestures made without speaking look like you are mocking them and will disconnect you from the energy and create resistance. That’s why it’s important to use their gestures only when you are saying something, not when you are silent.
Facial expressions, nods, and shrugs can be done instantly. When human beings are in sync, they perform these movements like in a game of Simon Says. The leader does something and you follow.
Speak the way they speak. From your perspective of total appreciation, adopt their speaking pace and rhythm. Do they speak fast, slow, or moderately? Begin to enjoy the client’s tonality, inflection, and pronunciation or accent. Do they speak through their nose, throat, or chest? What do you like about it? Do they hold out their vowel sounds long or short? What is interesting about the way they say the words?
As you entrain yourself with the energy of the sound they make to communicate, you gain access to their beliefs and you intuitively understand their motives. This means you will speak appropriately and inside the confines of what they feel is important, right, and acceptable.
Use the words they use. If they say “y’all,” you say it too. Not mockingly. Remember your intent is to connect, to appreciate, and to accept them. As long as you come from that perspective people will experience you as “family.” Make their language your own and you will begin to understand their model of the world. You will begin to understand why they think the way they think. When you understand why they think the way that they think, you can more fully appreciate the intricacies of their perspective. As you begin appreciating their perspective, you’ll find your opinions and views disappearing, and you’ll begin to “hear” their thoughts, spoken or not. It will be as if they began transmitting their thoughts directly into your mind. You start saying things that they would say and taking the words right out of their mouth. At this point, communication with other human beings is becoming delightful for you.
Ultimately, you are giving up your opinion of how this interaction is “supposed” to be. You are entering into the unknown by giving up your Self, your personal style and your personality.
Get ready for miraculous results. Positive and surprising results are available when you give yourself up and honor others. Start experimenting with it, right now. Watch the magic happen. See the resistance melt away. Marvel in your ability to read people’s minds, thoughts, ideas, and know what they are going to say next.
Improving your mindset begins with awareness, and that’s exactly what my signature e-course delivers. Weekly lessons shift your perspective to reveal new options for living with more power and peace of mind. It’s my gift to you.